FACT: Making the invitations for my sister’s Baby Shower, Our Family Is Huge Edition resulted in me officially becoming Extremely Excited for the upcoming Memorial Day festivities wherein I get to see my sister for four! days, and help throw two baby showers for her therein. I cannot even stand said excitement and have taken to making copious amounts of lists for packing and planning and baking and please someone make me sit still before I OD on baby shower-related happiness. Also, how cute are these? I’m verily smitten with them.

FACT: I crack myself up. Often for no reason at all, but specifically when Michael C. Hall paper cut-outs are involved. Exhibit: What I sent Sizz as part of her birthday package, after some perfectly timed inspiration from Jen:

{WARNING: Nerd tangent! WARNING: Nerd tangent!}

FACT: My love for everything Buffy being quite vocal, I can’t believe no one ever told me about the GAME CHANGING crossover episode on Angel (Season 1, episode 8: I Will Remember You; Netflix instant that ep, post hastey!**). It’s supposed to happen in between episode 8 and 9 of Buffy Season 4, and while episode 9 does reference Buffy going to LA to see Angel for “five minutes,” HI, THERE IS THIS WHOLE BIG THING THAT HAPPENS in the aforementioned Angel episode, that, even after seeing Season 4 of Buffy multiple times, I had NO IDEA happens because as I might have mentioned it’s on Angel and not on Buffy, and

FACT: Try as I might (and I’ve mightily tried) I just can’t get into Angel. Except for the aforementioned (and soon to be mentioned) amazing crossover episodes, because

FACT: Angel is no Buffy. And there’s no Xander and no Willow, and (the horror!) no Giles. And for reasons that make zero sense, I can’t watch Angel even pretend to have smooshy feelings for anyone but Buffy, even while I can watch Buffy love Riley and Spike***.

FACT: There’s also a second crazy crossover episode (again on Angel) toward the end of Season 1 (episode 19, I think), with both Faith and Buffy, called Sanctuary. It’s crazy. And pretty important to the overall narrative arc of Buffy, as Angel shows up in Season 4, episode 20 to directly apologize for what happens in Sanctuary.

FACT: Angel drives ME crazy, in an “I think I just want to stake your emo face” sort of way. Mostly because

FACT: I don’t understand why Angel and Buffy can’t just live happily ever after, and while we’re at it, Xander and Willow (or at least Willow and Oz), and also I have a huge crush on Giles and his open mic tendencies, the end.

FACT: I might be a little (overly, ahem) emotionally invested in Buffy. But it really is the best series of all time.

{End nerd tangent! End nerd tangent, hallelujah!}

FACT: May 4th marked the first official return of the mid-week PSU farmers market and it has been making me exceedingly happy ever since. Erin and I go every Wednesday and revel in the the fresh produce and cider and flowers, oh my! Not to mention the lovely (sometimes) sunlit midday stroll.

FACT: I have lovely and photogenic friends. Who like to wear stylish sunglasses.

(Ian, Jenelle, and their Zeke-a-saurus.)

FACT: Honeycrisp apples have overtaken Fuji and Braeburn for the Top Apple spot in my fruit-loving heart.

FACT: Orchids are gorgeous. Especially purple orchids that are a gift from coworkers as a way of saying, “Hi! Look how pretty we are! Also: We appreciate you.”

FACT: This perpetually in-my-face Portland rain is making me want to cry. I’m no rain wimp, and I will herein pledge my undying love to the Pacific Northwest, but Great Odin’s Raven, this spring has been less “Don’t forget your sunglasses!” and more “Quick, run for cover BEFORE WE ALL DROWN.”

FACT: I’m so ready for summer, and swimming, and sunburns, and SHARP TOOTH! SUNSHINE, it’s not even funny. Well, it might actually be a little funny. If you consider laughing at people’s perpetual soggy hair and faces and everyday places amusing. #fakeguilttrips

FACT: I quote movies, a lot. Also: This post sort of grew exponentially longer than I anticipated. Whoops.

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*Twenty gold stars for the first person who knows from which movie this post title comes. Hint: It’s amazing. And has nothing to do with vampires or vampire slayers or forbidden love doomed from the start because the man you fall in love with happens to be a brooding masochistic soul-y undead who is hell bent on a lonely path of redemption, and did we mention tall dark and handsome?

**Buffy quote (the “post hastey” part, that is). I couldn’t stop myself.

***#TeamSpikeForever
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Your turn! Tell me something true about you.

I started high school in a brand new Honors English class, and took AP English (and History and Biology) until I graduated, which took care of ensuring I was perpetually assigned a hefty reading list, both throughout the school year and during the summer, too.

I liked it that way; I loved those lists. “Required reading” lists helped me find some of the best fiction stories I’ve ever read in my life. Some of the best books I’m sure I will ever read.

Awhile back some friends on Twitter were listing books that changed their lives, and I made a mental note to revisit the topic in more detail than 140 characters would allow.

So which (fiction) books changed my life? So many of them. But first and foremost were these:

1. & 2. The Secret Garden and The Velveteen Rabbit. Let’s start at the very beginning. (A very good place to start.) These were the first two books I ever remember reading with my grandmother, and two books that shaped the way I looked at the world.

The Secret Garden had me convinced I was going to find an old door to which I would find an old key and I’d open it and walk straight into…Narnia, or someplace equally more fantastic than a secret garden I would probably have to weed. While I did routinely daydream about finding Narnia (Under my bed? Nope. Maybe under the stairs? No. Hmm…In a hole I could dig from the backyard?), I did verily love reading about that secret garden, and how non-cranky it made Colin.

The Velveteen Rabbit, which started as a story I loved, later became the first book to give me nightmares and make me look wearily at the impressively massive collection of stuffed animals occupying my room after I read the book when I was older (and more prone to imagining my toys coming to life at night). Toys coming to life when I’m asleep did not make me believe in magic or whimsy, but rather, made me believe I should lock all of my toys in a wooden chest and place my heaviest books on it, thereby stifling my toys’ abilities to wander about unsupervised in the middle of the night. The Indian in the Cupboard? More bad sleep juju for Kerri.

3. Phantoms, by Dean Koonz. I was twelve and a half, OK? Cut a girl some slack. I promise my choice in reading materials vastly improved as I kept reading. My dad died when I was in the 7th grade and among his things I found a Dean Koonz book. I’m not sure if Phantoms was the actual book, or if I just went and picked the first one I could find, but knowing my dad had at least entertained the thought of reading one of his books made me curious enough to want to read one, too. So I read Phantoms, and it’s a story I can still vividly recall to this day. It would have made a really compelling film, I remember thinking. Apparently someone else thought so, too. (Ben Affleck and Liev Schreiber? Annnd, added to my Netflix queue.)

Book Nerdery Rabbit Hole: Phantoms led to Sphere (below), which ultimately lead to Pet Sematary** (WHY, Kerri, WHY?), and a super brief Stephen King phase, wherein I realized he was a talented and prolific powerhouse while simultaneously realizing I didn’t want to read books that provided me ample nightmares about dead pets and children coming back to life, or rabid dogs who hold you hostage in your car, or cars with homicidal tendencies themselves, or a girl sharing my name (different spelling, thank you Mom and Dad) who is relentlessly teased until she goes all terrifyingly telekinetic on her entire high school. (Given my thoughts on The Velveteen Rabbit, you can probably also guess how I felt about The Tommyknockers (WHY Stephen King, WHY?).)

4. Sphere. The first and only Michael Crichton book I’ve read, but an amazing one. This book was The Abyss and Phantoms all in one psychologically thrilling underwater package. This was also the book that expanded my vocabulary by leaps and bounds because I read it in the 8th grade and refused to read past a word I couldn’t readily define. And because Crichton likes to use big words. At least when he’s telling stories about scary scientific sea exploration he does. (Having never read any other of Crichton’s novels I suppose I can’t adequately vouch for his range in diction.)

5. Go Go Gadget Grisham! OK, so that isn’t an actual title of a book I read. Though I would most likely read a book with that title, even if it was about mid-nineteenth-century accounting policies or the history of dental floss. From 7th grade until starting my freshman year of high school, I read nearly every single book John Grisham had written at that point in his writing career (which ultimately ended up being his first eight novels). A Time to Kill (based on a true story Grisham witnessed while working as an attorney in Mississippi) was my favorite of them all. Though surely harrowing in places, it was such a dynamic and emotional story, and so well-told. At the time I had no idea it was Grisham’s first-ever novel, as rather than chronologically, I read his books in the order of whichever-I-could-get-my-hands-on-first. Realizing (years later) that A Time to Kill was his debut, I remember being shocked, and quite impressed.

6. Interview with the Vampire. One of the first books I read in my aforementioned Honors English class, this book appeared on our summer reading list and I chose it to read and report on the first week of my freshman year of high school. At the time I remember thinking what a strange selection this was for me, as it was my very first vampire-centric novel (and perhaps then unsurprisingly my first bout with Anne Rice), but noting my Koonz/King/Grisham phase, I think maybe my choice was a bit less surprising than I originally thought. I remember this book being interesting and bizarre, and while I haven’t read another Anne Rice novel since (and don’t know that I ever will), this story paved the way for diving into a diverse and intimidating reading list, and is one that’s stuck with me over the years. A fact, I’m sure, aided by the presence of a pasty Brad Pitt and an even pastier Tom Cruise (and hi, Kirsten Dunst in her first big movie role!) in the film version.

7. Sense and Sensibility. My most favorite of all of Austen’s works, this book is one I’ve read multiple times, and one I would tell anyone leery of or intimidated by Austen to read. It’s such an engaging story, with perfectly lovable (and deplorable) characters you’ll swear you know even while the entire story is happening in a world that doesn’t exist anymore.

8. & 9. Heart of Darkness and Lord of the Flies. More high school/AP English reads, and the two I really did love from start to finish, and back again. I’ve read Heart of Darkness three times, and Lord of the Flies at least as many, and I find something new to appreciate about the story and the storytelling each and every time I read them.

10. The Virgin Suicides. One of the first books I ever read that wasn’t on a required reading list. And the first book I ever read after arbitrarily choosing it from a local bookstore based almost entirely on its cover. I would be highly rewarded for stumbling onto Eugenides. (I proselytized this book to everyone I knew in college, that’s how much I loved (and still love) it.) But this method of choosing books would come back to give me literary indigestion later, and has since been altogether abandoned. If you haven’t read this book, I highly highly, oh so highly recommend it. It’s definitely dark, but perpetually visually stunning, and Eugenides employs one of the most interesting frame narrative techniques I’ve ever read.

11. As I Lay Dying. My first and favorite Faulkner, I didn’t read this until junior year of college. I know a lot of people who have read and verily hate this book, and I can’t pretend to understand why. I still think about this story, recounting particularly interesting and/or grief-stricken scenes, and/or laughing at the name “Darl.” As I Lay Dying showed me how much I enjoy characters who get their own chapters to tell me their stories. It’s unreliable narrating at its finest, and I love it.

12. Moby-Dick. I don’t even know where to start singing the praises of this book, except to say it’s one of the most interesting and allegorical stories in the history of ever. Is Melville crazy long-winded? You bet he is. Is he going to tell you all about whales and whaling and seafaring and Queequeg? Until you want to stab him with a harpoon, probably. But I can’t help myself; I just dig Melville and his nautical themed pashmina afghan storytelling. He’s a sailor after my own heart, and I will forever be grateful one of my most beloved professors in undergrad was herself a Melvillean scholar, and petitioned the university to teach a class solely devoted to him. (His short stories are also some of my favorites.)

13. Harry Potter: Books 1-7. (That would be all of them, for those who haven’t yet been baptized in the goblet of fire.) I honestly can’t remember exactly when I read the very first book of the (literally and metaphorically) magical Harry Potter series, but I know it was all due to my lovely cousin Frances, as she had stumbled on them before I did and was tearing through them as literature lovers are wont to do. I was hooked from moment one, and stopped sleeping to read these stories about three little kids who stumble into a world of magic and friendship and mail-delivering owls, and remained happily hooked through books two and three, and into four, which quickly became the (longest, and) my favorite of the entire series. Book five made me want to throw it across the room on multiple occasions, so despicable and perfectly evil was Dolores Umbridge, and I don’t know that another book will ever make me cry as hard as I did when (SPOILER ALERT) Dumbledore dies, and the last book? The last book is why people comparing the Twilight series to anything Harry Potter are (on drugs, yes, and) will find their comparisons perpetually full of the brown stuff if they’ve actually read both series (which, yes, I have, somewhat regrettably when it comes to Twilight). J.K. Rowling, aside from being a much more creative and dynamic storyteller (and better writer) than Stephanie Meyer, also understands characterization, and how sometimes, to get at the real heart of the protagonist, and thus the heart of the story (and to get at the heart of the reader), some characters have to DIE. There is just no way around it, but Meyer (ANTI-SPOILER ALERT) can’t even come close to pulling the proverbial literary trigger in any of her books. See also: It’s hard to care about a BIG FINAL SUPER IMPORTANT BATTLE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL when three and half books of anxiety and “character building” leads to…ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. But, I digress. Vampirically. Suffice it to say Harry Potter et al. will forever be beloved literary characters, and for good reason. And that’s all I’ll say before this delves into five-paragraph-essay territory.

Book Nerdery Bonus Round: Recent Favorites

Neverwhere. This was my second book of Gaiman’s (the first was Coraline), and I somewhat stumbled on it after reading and loving Sunshine (another interesting pseudo-vampire novel) based on a trusted literary friend’s recommendation. Gaiman had written a blurb on the back of Sunshine, and I was curious about who he was, and what he wrote. I absolutely loved Neverwhere, and devoured the story in less than two days. It was the first for-adults novel I’d found in ages that featured just the right amount of magic, whimsy, and impressively creepy bad guys, and I found myself smitten with both the story and the storytelling, with both the villains and the imperfect heroes attempting to outrun them.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians. There are five books total in this series, and I’m pretty sure I have Kali to thank for ever finding them in the first place. These are like Harry Potter meets Greek myths, and they’re SO MUCH FUN to read. Some of the fastest books I’ve ever torn through, and some of the most memorable re-tellings of traditional Greek mythology, thanks to author Rick Riordan. If by chance your only experience with these stories is the somewhat recent film adaptation (I don’t know what that screenwriter was smoking), I beg you: Ignore the movie and run to your nearest library and check out Percy Jackson and The Lightning Thief. The movie is horrible, gets most everything wrong, and attempts to squash the first three books into one movie. Fail, fail, and more fail. But the books really are equal parts entertaining and educational, especially if you’re in need of a Greek mythology refresher course. And I mean, who isn’t really?

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So tell me, which fiction books changed your (reading or otherwise) life?

What are you reading now?

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*Post title is a quote from Arrested Development. One of my favorites, as it were.

**Actual title’s spelling. Everyone calls it “Pet Cemetery” but for whatever reason that’s not what King called it. Probably just to give me nightmares about misspelled words on top of nightmares about…everything else.

Friends. Bloggers. Countrymen. I have a confession to make.

I really like Pinterest.

It’s quite unexpected (to me, anyway) I’m enjoying it as much as I am, being that before joining I was staring at the site blankly, confused and overwhelmed and for the love of HTML, why, what is the point?

But here’s the thing. I think I’m sort of a story-boarder by nature. I love grouping interesting and like (and pretty) things together, sometimes just for the sake of grouping (see also: my Etsy favorites or my Flickr favorites). And that’s sort of what this is: Collecting and cataloging inspiring and/or lovely and/or helpful and/or amusing items together on a board to share and enjoy.

I also realized I have at least three versions of personal story-boards in my apartment. Like this one, which reminds me daily to eat breakfast and move until I’m sore.

As a bonus, you can add friends and family to your Pinteresting circle, and thus be newly inspired and helpful together. Just this morning I snagged an awesome(ly simple) chocolate mousse recipe Torrie originally found and posted, that I’m verily going to make for upcoming sisterly baby showers.

More perks to the Pinterest:

a) It doubles as a sweet bookmarking tool you can take with you anywhere without being tied to a specific computer or browser.

b) It makes me think of both golf (Pinnacle) and climbing a mountain (Everest). I don’t know how that’s a “perk” exactly. But I find it amusing.

c) I can also see how it could be pretty awesome and efficient for work-related projects, especially in the creative circuit, as there’s a setting which allows multiple users to add pins to the same board(s).

d) All of the above.

Anyway!

I’m sure a lot of you are already using Pinterest (If you are, what’s your username? Let’s be story-board buddies!), and if you’re not, maybe I just convinced you to try it. (Do it, do it!)

I may have also just convinced you to head for the hills, running as if being chased by a rabid story-board.

In any event, thanks for still liking me even though so often I’m a Super Nerd, built in a laboratory out of parts from lesser nerds.

(Oh, and for the record, this is Pinteresting me.)

(Updated to add: Let me know if you aren’t using Pinterest and would like to be. I have invites!)

Well, this, and: Anne Hathaway’s stunning red dress; James Franco in a bright pink dress and fake mole and his “Congratulations, nerds!” comment*; Colin Firth winning Best Actor and wanting to dance a jig during his acceptance speech; Christian Bale winning Best Supporting Actor and crying during his acceptance speech; The King’s Speech winning Best Picture; Jeff Bridges’ introductions for all of the Best Actress nominees that nearly made every single one of them cry.

*Oh, and just in case we’re not all on the same page here, it was a JOKE. I mean, come on. Franco got his start on Freaks and Geeks. He’s one of the biggest nerds of them all.

What about you? What did you love (or love to hate) about this year’s show? Cinematic nerds want to know! Well, this one does anyway.

Anyone who knows me, and/or who follows me on Twitter knows that I love movies, and quoting movies. I could quote movies until…well, until you told me to stop because I was being annoying. Endless amounts of time, basically.

I can’t remember the last time I used the word “meme” around here, but when it comes to movie quotes, I’m an equal opportunity memer. (Please note that since I first read the word “meme” and forever thereafter, I have pronounced it “maim,” which is why my last sentence is simultaneously making me laugh, and making me think I’ve been watching too much Dexter lately.)

The game goes a little something like this:

• I pick 10 (Um, or how about 18?) of my favorite movies, and list a favorite quote from each one here. I’m hereby leaving off some of my more highly-quotable favorites (Anchorman, Zoolander, and Tommy Boy, I’m looking at you), just to make the game a bit more challenging.
  
• You guys guess which quotes go with which movies, sans help from Google. (Sans=without=no cheating, or else: rabies!)
  
• I’ll re-post the list each with updates each time someone guesses a movie correctly, giving proper credit to the Awesome Guesser.
• Only one movie guess per commenter, pretty please, so everyone has a chance to guess. If you come back in a day or so and see movies you know still haven’t been guessed, feel free to go nuts.
  

Ready? Let’s do this.

1. “Well, I’m one of those fortunate people who like my job, sir. Got my first chemistry set when I was seven, blew my eyebrows off, we never saw the cat again…been into it ever since.”

And one more from the same movie because it’s one of my favorite parts of the movie:

“‘I’d take pleasure in guttin’ you, boy. I’d take pleasure in guttin’ you…boy.’ What is wrong with these people, huh? Mason? Don’t you think there’s a lot of, uh…a lot of anger flowing around this island? Kind of a pubescent volatility? Don’t you think? A lotta angst, a lot of ‘I’m sixteen, I’m angry at my father’ syndrome? I mean grow up! We’re stuck on an island with a bunch of violence-for-pleasure-seeking psycophatic marines, SHAME-ON-THEM!” Trina confessed to recently watching this, and knew it was The Rock. Nicolas Cage fans, UNITE.

2. “Make sure to secure the door when I am gone. There are many dangerous people who wanna take things from Americans, and also kidnap them. Good night!”

And a bonus second quote: “This is Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. She is Grandfather’s seeing eye bitch. Father purchased her for him not because he believes Grandfather is blind, but because a seeing eye bitch is also a good thing for people who pine for the opposite of loneliness. In truth, Father did not purchase her at all, but merely retrieved her from the home for forgetful dogs. Because of this, she is not a real seeing eye bitch, and is also mentally deranged.” BreAnn gets bonus points for (knowing this was Everything Is Illuminated, yes, and!) having read the book, which I have yet to do.

3. “Do you know what happens at proms?”
“ Yes. We’ll dance, we’ll kiss, we’ll come home. It’s not quite the crisis situation you imagine.”
“Kissing? That’s what you think happens? I’ve got news for you. Kissing isn’t what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all day long.” Kristabella was the first to comment, and the first to know this is 10 Things I Hate About You, aka: The Moment I Knew I Loved Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

4. “Listen, okay? You guys’ll never believe me. There was two cop cars, okay? And they were chasing this four-wheel deal, this real neat ORV, and there were bullets flying all over the place. It was the most amazing thing I ever saw!” Sizzle loves The Goonies as much as I do, which is just one of the many reasons I love her.

5. “You know, I thought I recognized you. You tried out for the football team last year, right?”
“Oh, no, no, that… No. That, that wasn’t like a real try-out. I was researching a book I was writing.”
“Yeah? What’s it about? Sucking at sports?”
“No, it’s about the link between brain damage and football. No, it…it’s a good book. Your friends will love it. You know, it’s got mazes in it and, you know, little coloring areas, sections, pop-up pictures. It’s…a lot of fun.” Angella may not be a huge (Nicolas Cage, or) Shia LeBeouf fan, but she loves Transformers as much as I do. Or at least as much as her kids do. Which is, as it turns out, quite a lot.

6. “Does he know how good you are?”
“Bob?”
“No, Hitler.”
(And a bonus quote, because I think this one might be the hardest: “Evelyn. Your kid ate the line-up.”) Erin knows there’s no crying in baseball. Also, that this is from A League of Their Own.

7. “There’s that word again; ‘heavy.’ Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the earth’s gravitational pull? If I ever get a hoverboard (Come on, Science!), I bet Kate will have one first. And then we’ll go…Back to the Future!

8. “Don’t worry. Don’t worry about Alice, she…? You think she’s gone, she comes back. Like herpes.”

And bonus quotes: “Go talk to your mother.”
“You talk to her, alright? She’s a downer.”
“She’s a widow.”
“She was a downer first.”

“Hey, hey, hey! You guys! Could one of you please tell me one nice thing I can say about your dead father?”
“ He often called me Andrea for no reason.”
“ I was Barry.” Exhibit, Why Ali Is One Of My Movie Quote Soulmates: She knew these lines were from Eulogy. And loves me despite knowing I’ll never stop loving Shia LaBeouf (who is not in Eulogy, if you were wondering). “That’s a compound compliment.”

9. “Hey, I like that hat, man. They sell men’s clothes where you got that?” Sarah thinks Kevin Bacon looks good in Mom Jeans and skinny ties. I heartily concur. (Footloose!)

10. “I owe you an apology.”
“Just one?”
“For ruining the funeral.”
“Yeah, if it hadn’t been for you, that would’ve been one great day.” Bethany doesn’t have a blog, but she has a permanent spot in my good graces after knowing this is Catch and Release. (Unexpectedly great movie, if you haven’t seen it.)

11. “Just wishing I could do the job for you, sir. I’d give her a HA! And a HI-YA! And then a OUU-WA! And I’d kick her, sir.” Dayna and Doniree guessed my all-time favorite animated movie, which is: Anastasia! I dare you to watch it and not have a crush on Dimitri.

12. “Why Ike, whatever do you mean? Maybe poker’s just not your game. I know! Let’s have a spelling contest!” A tip o’ the hat to Erin for knowing this was me paying homage to the ever-pallid and yet somehow still sweatily attractive Doc Holiday in Tombstone.

13. “Yeah, well, uh, just keep your Power Gloves off her, pal, huh?” Jill not only remembered this is from The Wizard, she also remembered the entire plot of the movie, including references to Rilo Kiley and Christian Slater. I’m impressed.

14. “It’s just like Santa’s workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms…and everyone looks like they want to hurt me.” Sarah knew this was Elf. She also knows the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.

15. “Mr. Homolka?”
“Yes?”
“Stop eating my sesame cake.”

And bonus quotes: “Are you serving that ape a martini?”

“Are you sure there aren’t some kind of gorillas that kill?”
“Please, Dr. Ross. What’s your area of expertise? Folk-singing?”
“Communications technology.”
“So you’re a geek with a cellular phone.” Ali hereby wins the gold star for knowing two of the apparently most obscure of my favorite movies. These are from Congo, and I can’t even tell you how much I love the scene wherein the first quote is featured. You guys need to watch this movie. For reals.

16. “I have a question for you real quick. What did you think of my demo? Did you get it?”
“Right, I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.” Lori, who just happens to be superfantastic, excitedly guessed this was from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. “I’m going to give you a Hawaiian name…Peepyopee!”

17. “What you did was very spiteful, but it was also very brave and very honest and I respect you for doing that. But the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there’s a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, but it’s peppered with hate. Hateful respect.” My partner in fake mustache crime, Hillary, knew this hilarious gem was courtesy of Get Him to the Greek. Oh, Aldous Snow. I just can’t quit you.

*18. So this post’s title is the first quote, and the second bonus quote: “In those moments where you’re not quite sure if the undead are really dead, don’t get all stingy with your bullets. I mean, one more clean shot to the head, and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal. Woulda… coulda… shoulda.” Below The Eight knows that rule #36 of Zombieland is…quoting Zombieland.

Originally aired: October 1993.
Watched by Kerri Anne: When I was 11, and then again October 25, 2010.
Courtesy of: YouTube, in seven (or eight) parts. (What? I was determined.)
Because: I distinctly remembered watching this movie as a kid, but until Monday night I couldn’t remember what the movie was actually called, and couldn’t remember a single character’s name, or much beyond the fact that it featured a group of friends, a skeleton costume, and Mexico. So naturally, I Googled something like, “Animated movie with skeleton costume and Mexico.”

(Google’s amazing ability to actually know what my nonsensical memories are trying to tell me is probably the number one reason I will always love the Internet.)

Enter me watching The Halloween Tree for the first time in over SEVENTEEN years.

Based on: A 1972 fantasy novel written by Ray Bradbury. TRIVIA ALERT! Bradbury actually won an Emmy for the screenplay adaptation of his original story. Um, yeah. I nearly fell out of my Halloween tree when I read that.

Starring: Ray Bradbury narrates, a crew of young actors (including Andrew Keegan) voice the animated young’uns, and Leonard Nimoy voices Mr. Moundshroud, who does business as the “children’s guide,” which really means “the undeniably creepy, kindly sinister skeleton-looking guy who routinely makes inappropriate comments (when he’s not speaking in riddles).”

Protagonist’s name and story: This story is a bit strange in that I think spunky, red-haired, freckle-faced Pip (described as “the greatest boy who ever lived”) is supposed to be the protagonist, but really his four friends go through more of a transformation within the movie. Pip is on his way to being dead when the movie starts, and his four friends (Jenny, Wally, Tom, and Ralph) have to suffer Moundshroud’s condescending Halloween history lessons while traveling to far-away places and long-ago times (Think: Egypt, Greece, Somewhere In The Woods With Witches, the Notre Dame Cathedral, and Mexico) to rescue Pip’s soul, before Moundshroud can collect Pip and his spirit pumpkin for his Halloween Tree, which is a tree of hanging pumpkins filled with the souls of the dead. (Is this sounding enough like a Halloween acid trip yet? Because it gets better.) The reason Pip is a ghost, time-traveling with his (freckled) spirit pumpkin in tow to avoid (death, and) Moundshroud? Appendicitis. Um. Yeah.

What the what? moments: 1) The (time-traveling) kite-building scene, involving old circus posters and scary animals, and you guys, I can’t even tell you how weird it is.

2) The part of the Halloween history lesson where Moundshroud expounds upon witches, and basically says there weren’t ever any real witches, they were JK, LOL about all that magic stuff, and instead were merely groups of women who wanted to be left alone to be “wise” and play with cauldrons.

3) At the very end of the movie, Jenny, Ralph, Wally, and Tom each offer a year at the end of their lives to Moundshroud as payment for Pip’s soul. (RIGHT? I TOLD YOU THIS MOVIE IS CREEPY.)

Questions left unanswered: Oh, so many. But mostly, what was Bradbury drinking when he wrote this screenplay?

Memorable quotes: “It’s gargoyle language. He can only speak when the rain comes out of his mouth, or the wind blows over his teeth.”

“Ah yes, Joe Pipkin. Some say that on the day he was born, all the soda pop bottles in the world fizzed over. Pipkin who could yell louder, sing better, and eat more popcorn. Pip, the greatest boy who ever lived.”

“Tell me, why do you wear bones, Skeleton?” “Because, maybe if we face death eyeball-to-eyeball, it loses it’s power over us? It can’t scare us!”

The verdict: Visually stunning for sure, and a very interesting (albeit very crazy) story, though definitely a bit heavy-handed, thematically speaking, for even the most fearless kids.

Though maybe kids don’t care about pumpkin trees filled with lost souls? Because I’m pretty sure I found the story even creepier as an adult than I did as a kid.

Also: I’m finding myself interested in reading the original story. Moundshroud, I just can’t quit you.

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So you may be wondering (or perhaps you’re not wondering at all, but I’m going to tell you anyway) what makes the cut as my all-time favorite Halloween movie? That would be Hocus Pocus.

No, really. If you haven’t seen it, NO JUDGING. It’s AWESOME. Totally cheesy, and campy, and full of (big hair, and) hilariously quotable lines and general Halloween AWESOMENESS. (Randomly enough, Hocus Pocus was actually released the same year as The Halloween Tree. 1993 was apparently quite a memorable year for Halloween movies.)

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Table-turning time!

Did anyone else watch The Halloween Tree (ever, or) as a kid?

Any personal favorite Halloween movies, or do you shun the holiday, and the holiday-themed movies, altogether?

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Your turn!

Anyone currently reviewing something awesome? Feel free to hijack my comments and tell everyone what it is!

Wait for it…

TV’s Top Five Characters, According To Kerri, Who Is Of Course An Expert In All Things Television And Character-Related. Also, She Has Impeccable Character Taste And Labored For Hours To Keep This List To Five And Five Only, Because She Has A Healthy Respect For Rules. Also, This Is An Exceedingly Long Title For A Silly Little List.

5. Sue Sylvester from GLEE

The Rationale: You mean, beyond her bright colored track suits, her obsession with protein shakes and national cheerleading championships, and her constant snark? Basically, Sue Sylvester is just endlessly entertaining. I know GLEE isn’t for everyone, but if you haven’t given it a fighting chance, I actually feel a little sad for you, because of all the laughing you could be doing, but aren’t.

Memorable Quote: “For me trophies are like herpes. You know why? Sue Sylvester has hourly flare-ups of burning, itchy, highly contagious talent.”

4. Hiro Nakamura from Heroes

The Rationale: One of (arguably too) many protagonists from the superhero series, Hiro could hold his own in any situation, and while simultaneously serving as the Master of Time and Space and providing endless comic relief, he was also the moral center of the show. Perhaps more importantly, he just made me smile every time he was on screen.

Memorable Quote: “You are not faster than me, nemesis.”

3. Sydney Bristow from Alias

The Rationale: I could probably include every single character from the first three seasons, and I almost chose Jack Bristow over Sydney, but as I was trying not to make this list as long as my fickle tendencies, Agent Sydney Bristow it is. Alias ranks as one of my all-time favorite shows, and Bristow (played by one of my all-time favorite actresses and action heroines, Jennifer Garner) inspired a generation of women to hope they were going to be recruited into a TOP SECRET government agency while they were innocuously standing in their collegiate library. I’m actually still waiting. *Looks around innocently with a stack of large books*

Memorable Quote: “I just wanted to rip his finger right off again. Does that make me a bad person?”

2. Dr. Gregory House from House

The Rationale: Anyone who has seen an episode of House probably knows why he’s in my top three. He’s charming, super smart, ridiculously witty, and also a bit of an ass. That last part might be a bit of an understatement. He’s easily one of the most interesting (and unpredictable) characters ever to be on television, and House is one of very few shows that actually makes me feel smarter after having watched an episode or thirty.

Memorable Quote: “Relax, your nose isn’t big, it’s just conspicuous.”

1. TV’s Top Character Of All-Time*, doing business as: Spike from Buffy The Vampire Slayer

The Rationale: Have we effectively established my steadfast devotion to (one of the best shows of all-time, yes, and) the British vampire with acerbic wit and handsomely peroxided hair? The second he walked into the cast of Buffy, he was my instant favorite, and every scene and story-line featuring him was one I thought was twice as interesting, twice as dramatic, and three times as hilarious. I recently got to see his (non-peroxided) head featured in the pilot of Hawaii Five-0** and I may have actually exclaimed,”Spike!” to an plane full of people who were ultimately disinterested in why the girl sitting in the exit row was suddenly struggling with a bout of TV Tourette’s.

Memorable Quote: “I hate being obvious. All fangy and ‘grr!’ Takes the mystery out.”

Special Honorable Mention, The First: Dr. Cal Lightman from Lie to Me

The Rationale: This is a show I’ve loved since the very first episode, but I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it anywhere. Lightman is just such a dynamic and hilarious character. He’s perfectly imperfect, highly intelligent, British (also: witty and sarcastic), and seemingly can’t stand without hunching/tilting his head to the side, which I find much more endearing coming from him than from say, Horatio Cane. (Yeaaaaaaah!)

Memorable Quote: “Ethics, always so inconvenient.”

Special Honorable Mention, The Second: Sayid Jarrah from LOST

ANTI-SPOILER ALERT: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME HOW LOST ENDS, and if Sayid somehow turns out to be The Loch Ness Monster, I honestly don’t want to know.  I have hereby managed to avoid any end-of-series spoilers, as I’m still working my way through Season Five. (If Jack had been eaten by a puff of magical smoke, I would probably have finished the series ages ago. I can only handle so much Self-Righteous Shephard in one sitting.)

The Rationale: Sayid’s was always my favorite storyline on LOST. OK, well his AND Desmond’s were my favorite storylines, but I chose Sayid over Desmond for Honorable Mention because he’s in twice as many episodes as Desmond is, and because I’m TRYING to keep this list to a manageable number of beloved characters. I’m also totally cheating right now, but what else is new?

Memorable Quote: “If we tell them what we know, we take away their hope, and hope is a very dangerous thing to lose.”

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Additional Honorable Mentions Because Basically, I’m Still Cheating: Gob Bluth from Arrested Development; Barney and Marshall from How I Met Your Mother; Desmond, Jin, and Kate from LOST;  Topher and Victor from Dollhouse; Noah Bennet, Ando, and Sylar from Heroes; the entire cast of Buffy; Jeff, Annie, and Abed from Community; Nancy and Andy from Weeds; Fox Mulder from The X-Files; Mark Benford and Dmetri Noh from (the very sadly canceled) Flash Forward; Dr. Mark Greene from ER; Josh Lyman from The West Wing.

*Until now, that is. This could change, though it would take a seriously awesome character to usurp The Spike. Bring it, television.

**We were able to preview the pilot to and from Maui, and is it weird that I think this show actually looks good? I mean, Scott Caan! I’m sort of a fan. (And Daniel Dae Kim!) And HAWAII. Definitely a fan.

**Post title from (where else?) Buffy.

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We have established I am a hopeless television nerd (all without owning a television for the past year and a half), yes? Great!

Now it’s your turn! I want to you know the characters YOU think are at the top of the television heap.

Ready, set, GO.

What? Like that’s not totally normal?

You should come on over and read Mr. Cage’s heartfelt letter to Angella, and then weigh in on how great (or not to so great) you think he (or his hair) is.

Do it, do it.

Updated to add: I’m not going to lie; this might have just made my day.

*Post title from one of the best Nicolas Cage movies of all time. I’ll give you three guesses.

He’s brilliant in Brick, and in The Lookout, and I can’t wait to see Inception.

But this? This is quite possibly the most random and very best thing he’s ever done.

I absolutely love it.

Yes, that is also totally Channing Tatum. I’m telling you: serious amounts of awesome.