What? Like that’s not totally normal?

You should come on over and read Mr. Cage’s heartfelt letter to Angella, and then weigh in on how great (or not to so great) you think he (or his hair) is.

Do it, do it.

Updated to add: I’m not going to lie; this might have just made my day.

*Post title from one of the best Nicolas Cage movies of all time. I’ll give you three guesses.

He’s brilliant in Brick, and in The Lookout, and I can’t wait to see Inception.

But this? This is quite possibly the most random and very best thing he’s ever done.

I absolutely love it.

Yes, that is also totally Channing Tatum. I’m telling you: serious amounts of awesome.

On Sunday, after pedicures with Rhi, wherein she was put in pedicure timeout, we suspect for refusing nail art, I decided it was time to get my fifth tattoo. I’d been mulling over myriad ideas for various tattoos and placements, but ultimately decided on one for my inner left wrist.

It’s “I love you” in Korean, in my sister’s handwriting, from a note she sent me from South Korea as part of my birthday package this year. It’s pretty much my favorite thing ever. (Pretend the semi-circles are closed, because they should be, and they will be by the end of today.)

I went to Icon in Portland, which is by far the cutest tattoo shop I’ve ever seen. My tattoo artist is also pretty much the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. (Hi! Silje.)

The shop (and all the artists therein) came highly recommended from a friend and coworker who recently got sprigs of lavender done on her back/rib-cage area. (My friend Zanny’s awesome tattoo is also from there.) It’s woman-owned (which yes, I love), and has such an artistic, welcoming feel. It’s also devoid of pictures of skulls and bleeding dragons and Other Disturbingly Dead Things on the walls, which, I have to say, is something I find completely off-putting about most tattoo shops. That, and the giant poster-sized flip books of completely unoriginal artwork for the person who has everything. Or who can’t decide on anything. (And hi, very much not judging; my first tattoo was chosen from within one of those poster-sized flip books. But, seriously, NEVER AGAIN. There is just too much beautiful (and unique!) art out there to ever need one of those boards.)

Good Thing, The Second: IMAX-Sized Edward vs. Jacob: The Showdown*

*d.b.a. Twilight: Eclipse.

Am I going to try to sell you on the literary merit of any of these books (beyond a love story that is undeniably engaging)? Heck no. Am I beyond excited to see this movie tomorrow with Kali? You bet your sweet werewolf I am.

Good Thing, The Third: Sweet Cinematic Suspense

By now I’m sure any loyal Harry Potter fans have seen these trailers for Parts I and II of The Deathly Hallows (the last of the Potter series), but just in cases:**

Trailer 1: The one released last December that I somehow missed until yesterday.

Trailer 2: The one released just yesterday (June 28) that gave me ACTUAL GOOSEBUMPS while I watched it.

KERRI ALL CAPS PSYCHED OUT OF HER MIND: Not pictured.

But if it WERE pictured, it would probably look something like this:

Instead of Nicolas Cage riding Falkor with that muppet-like expression of sheer! glee! on his face, you’re picturing me, right? OK, good.

For the skeptics in the group: The books? Really are amazing. And the films? Minus a few minor (see also: HUGE) deviations from the books, are fantastically done. The special effects are incredible, the characters: memorable, and I end up laughing and crying throughout most of them (see also: ALL of them). (Shut your face. They are GOOD, I’m telling you. You aren’t allowed to hate unless you’ve at least read the first book, or watched a movie or two.)

**Whenever I type “just in cases” with that extra “s” you guys know I’m referencing Love Actually, right? Because if you don’t you (must think I’m grammatically challenged, yes, and) should go rent and watch that movie right this second. You know, after you watch all of the previews herein embedded for your enjoyment.

So I’ll start, and then you can feel free to leave your greater than/less than versions in the comments, or on your own site, or on a paper napkin in a coffee shop written in cappuccino foam (rules: there are none!).

Ready? OK!

For this girl:

seaweed, rice & eggs > bacon, hash-browns & eggs (I KNOW. I’m blaspheming from the very beginning of this list, but South Korea, and my sister, converted me.)

green > grey

hugs > handshakes

drive-ins > movies in 3-D

Twitter > Tumblr

pine trees > palm trees

optimism > any other “ism”

coastal > lakeside, unless we’re talking about Priest Lake, in which case: Priest Lake > all other bodies of water

no capes > capes

letting it go > holding grudges

interest in watching or talking about golf > interest in watching or talking about baseball

peas > carrots

spring > summer

hand-written letters > email

swimming > cycling

fiction > non-fiction

genuine compliments > genuine criticism

heart on my sleeve > keeping it inside

MacGruber > any other current SNL sketch

lithograph > letterpress

bare feet > sandals

lost in a book > LOST

flats > heels

Otter Pops > ice-cream

salty > sweet

Spike > Angel

hiking > climbing

steamed veggies > raw veggies

George Michael > Michael Bolton

puns > snark

Portland food carts > my best packed lunch

pugs > all other dogs, ever

faith > being a Doubting Thomas

communication > non-confrontation

planned > last-minute

sandwiches > soup

Mr. Incredible > Superman

the power of patience > tapping your toe

bad dancing > putting Baby in the corner

————-

Your turn!

Lest you think I was deprived of good, old-fashioned illustrated fun, here’s a fairly comprehensive (see also: long, but entertaining!) list of the shows I did watch as a kid:

The Littles

Does anyone else remember this show? PLEASE tell me you remember the little elven-like people who are little (yes!) and wear buttons on their overalls because…buttons are little too! (Umm…)  I can’t for the life of me remember what the show was about per se; I think oftentimes it’s just them, The Littles, running from cats and trying not to end up on the underside of some human’s exceedingly large sneaker. And I’ll be honest in admitting that looking at that picture now is making me think that maybe The Littles were a little creepier than I remember them being. Apparently one of those guys up there is named “Dinky.” Yeah. I have no idea.

I do remember once trying to explain this show to someone who clearly had not seen it, without being able to remember they were called The Littles, and without visual aides, and blurting out, “You know, the show with the little people who wear buttons!”

*blank stare*

*crickets*

*buttons*

Inspector Gadget!

Oh, how I loved Inspector Gadget. And Penny! And the way Chief Quimby would pop out of the most random places (like trashcans!) to deliver important crime-related messages to Inspector Gadget because (GET THIS) this was before email even existed! I know, right? How did we LIVE?

The better question is how would Chief Quimby’s typed or hand-written notes always self-destruct after Gadget read them? Flecks of dynamite in the ruled paper? Radioactive ink? Detective magic? (Oh hi, welcome to my brain!) It’s a mystery. But rest assured that moments after this scene depicted below, Gadget throws the crumpled note back in the trashcan and KABOOM! Chief Quimby is on fire! No, literally. Oh, but wait, now he just looks burnt. And a maybe little annoyed. Not on fire though, so, there’s that.

This show was like the original Mission: Impossible. But with gadgets! And villains with monikers like Sven Vinceton and Pierre LaChop! (Also: Rattlesnake Bart! This show was GENIUS, I tell you.)

It was also where I’m assuming Mike Myers concocted his much beloved Dr. Evil character (Is Dr. Evil much beloved? I seem to remember that movie being quoted quite a bit), as evidenced (to me) by the following visual representation of Dr. Claw, who is Gadget’s primary nemesis and works for an evil organization called M.A.D. (Not to be confused with M.A.D.D.)

My favorite gadget of Gadget’s? Probably Go-Go-Gadget ‘Copter, followed closely by Go-Go-Gadget Ears.

Jem and the Holograms

I had such fond memories of this show before Google searching, memories of oh so hip hair, and of hot pink star-laden makeup, and microphones, and the sheer power possessed by the fearless women of rock n’ roll, and then: “Wait. Why does Jem look like Barbie on ecstasy?”

“And wait, how old were these girls supposed to be?”

And then I stumbled on a picture of the Misfits, Jem’s arch nemeses in girl band form, and remembered without Wikipedia’s help that the girl on the left in the picture below (Stormer!) was my favorite character on the show because she’s the nice, super sensitive girl stuck with the mean girls, and I loved her white hair, and…

…she played the keytar. Awwh, yeah.

He-Man and She-Ra

I mean, those names alone still kill me. I can’t think or read or say “She-Ra” without overly emphasizing the “Ra” like you would while round-house-kicking or judo-chopping someone, as in: “Hi-yah!” “She-Rah!”

Add the fact that they’re twin siblings from the planet Eternia, a planet whose primary power source originates from Castle Greyskull (”By the power of Greyskull,” anyone?) and you have the framework for an epic children’s cartoon with the girliest looking superhero ever.

“Tremble before my super chic bob!”

She-Ra(h!) also had fabulous hair.

Though her outfit? Downright ridiculous for fighting villains. Speaking of villains! He-Man and She-Ra definitely topped the creep charts with their bad guy.

Dear Skeletor: You still scare me. And why is your staff topped with a ram’s skull? Um. Never mind. Have a nice day, Skeletor!

The Chipmunk Adventure

This wasn’t a T.V. series, but it was one of my favorite animated movies as a kid, and if you have never seen this movie (and thus have no idea why I’m professing to be fond of anything chipmunk-related), I’m going to herein suggest you stop what you’re doing and head to YouTube, where I’ve selected a few clips to make my points about why this movie still makes me as happy as it did when I first watched it so many years ago.

Chipmunk Rationale, The First: The Girls of Rock N’ Roll

Did you watch the video? Did you laugh? I can’t stop laughing when I watch that video (Theodore exclaiming, “But my cous-cous!” at the beginning is probably my favorite part), and the rest of the movie is much the same: The girls having a sing-off with the boys in some exotic locale while they collect dolls they have no idea are filled with either diamonds or cash. (Kids, don’t try this at home! Wherein “this” mostly means “smuggling.”)

Aside: Could Brittany (the sassy one in pink) wear some more clothes and maybe shop shaking her booty like Beyonce? (Or, does Beyonce shake her booty like Brittany; aha!) Because hi, I think she’s supposed to be like 10. Also, hi, SHE’S A CHIPMUNK.

Chipmunk Rationale, The Second: Wooly Bully

“Worry Burry!” says Chief Man Boobs.

In conclusion, this movie has around-the-world action, chipmunk karaoke, and characters as hilarious as the idea that three pint-sized chipmunk “boys” or “girls” could operate hot air balloons by themselves.

My Little Pony

My Little Ponies were toys first, a T.V. series second, and a movie third, and yes, I am herein stating for the record that I loved all three.

I mean, really, how can you go wrong with talking (and flying!) magical horses with names like Whizzer, Masquerade, Magic Star, and Cherries Jubilee?

My personal favorite pony? Lickety-split, of course.

And does anyone remember the biggest evil in Ponyland? I give you, the Smooze:

Think The Blob + Hexxus + purple = the ponies will stop the smooze with sparkles!

Rainbow Brite

Did I mention I had a thing for horses as a girl? As in, I wanted to watch shows about them, and collect figurines of them, and learn to ride them, and give them awesome names, and braid their rainbow-colored manes, etcetera etcetera and on and on, until I finally had to learn to stop being so obsessive about equestrian-related everything.

Rainbow Brite’s horse (Starlite!) was not only way too big for Rainbow’s wee frame, but he was (metro-sexual, OK, fine, and) BEAUTIFUL, and had a STAR on his forehead (as all of you with eyes probably already noticed) and yeah, I JUST LIKED HORSES, OK?

I also liked the Color Kids (one for each color of the rainbow; are you seeing a theme here?), friends Rainbow rescued once upon a time and who are now in charge of all of the world’s colors.

Patty O’Green was definitely my favorite Color Kid, and not just because of my fondness for the (admittedly awful) Patio O’Furniture St. Patrick’s Day joke I somewhat recently shared via Twitter.

But wait, it gets better. The resident bad guy in Rainbow Land? MURKY DISMAL.

“My name’s Murky. Yes, that’s right: Murky Dismal. Anyway, I’m here to steal diamonds gold power your soul THE WORLD’S COLOR SPECTRUM.”

Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!

As much as I myself love to exclaim, I’m admittedly twitchy about that exclamation point in the title of the my favorite and longest-running cartoon featuring ghosts who aren’t really ghosts, even when they clearly must be ghosts. A question mark would appear to be the proper punctuation of choice for a question like, “Where are you?” but apparently the writers were just too excited to care.

Everyone knows Scooby-Doo, right? And the lovable albeit clueless and perpetually famished Shaggy? (Come to think of it, Shaggy and Scooby might also be a metaphor for legalizing marijuana.)

They were my favorite for many reasons, not the least of which being their ability to find ginormous sub sandwiches and various condiments in every single fridge in every haunted house they visited. I’m pretty sure one time they even found pancakes.

And of course my favorite character that’s not really a character at all, but is a big, green, hippie crime-fighting machine: The Mystery Machine!

Sweet ride, Fred.

“You mean this van is a tad effeminate and will probably ensure none of us have intimate relationships until we’re thirty?”

The Rescue Rangers

(No, not the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Who do you think I am?) (And I just realized: chipmunks again! Hmm…quite suspect, I will agree. But these chipmunks wear fedoras, bomber jackets, and Hawaiian shirts so…)

OK, fine. I can’t really explain why I loved this show, but there was a plane! And adventure! And an Australian mouse named Monterey Jack!

And again, they all look crazy in retrospect! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

The Smurfs

This list could never be complete without the Smurfs, or les Schtroumpfs in French (thanks! Wikipedia), the much beloved cartoon commune of blue creatures “three apples tall” who skip to and from their daily tasks while singing “tra la la la la la, tra la la laaaa.” Also, they are probably a metaphor for legalizing marijuana.

Again, the plot of the show? Pretty non-existent from what I can remember, but I do love Wikipedia’s (completely unbiased) reporting on Smurf language:

A characteristic of the Smurf language is the frequent use of the word “smurf” and its derivatives in a variety of meanings. The Smurfs replace enough nouns and verbs in everyday speech with “smurf” as to make their conversations barely understandable: “We’re going smurfing on the River Smurf today.”

The Snorks

These snorkel-propelled underwater sea creatures were pretty much just aquatic rip-offs of the aforementioned Smurfs, but with characters sporting names like Governor Wellington Wetworth and Dr. Gallio Seaworthy and a “supporting villain” (Oh, Wikipedia, I really do love you) named The Great Snork Nork, I’m discovering a renewed desire to remember what all the snorking was about.

—————

OK, so now it’s your turn. What were your favorite cartoons as a kid? Someone PLEASE tell me they’ve heard of The Littles. PLEASE, for the sake of buttons.

Oh, and if you need me, I’ll be over here smurfing on the River Smurf.

The first person to guess which one I bought from the three below wins a golden onion.

Chai Latte

Control

Today We Escape

The prompt: Please create your own personal security question in case you forget your password.

Question: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like what’s your favorite color?

Answer: Shark Week.

We’ve all heard of The List, right? (Right!)

For those new to the game, The List is mostly comprised of celebrities and other famous faces you are allowed to covet outside of your Committed Relationship because (it’s all in good fun, and anyway) these people are the cheese to your macaroni, the peanut-butter to your jelly, or at least they might be, according to the plethora of information you’ve been able glean about them from this month’s People Magazine. Mostly though, you just think they’re crazy/sexy/cool.*

What I like even better than The List is what happens when you add the word “fictional” to it, the game thus now requesting you choose your top 5 (or 15) characters from various shows and movies that are the proverbial peas to your carrots.

Here’s my version of such list. And of course it’s longer than 5. I never was very good at following internet rules.

The list is in some semblance of an order, or maybe more of a scale of sorts, wherein Peter Petrelli (played by Milo Ventimiglia) = I would marry him (fictionally, or in real life), even if I didn’t know him well enough to know (anything about him, like maybe) how to pronounce his last name, or that he puts cilantro on everything and thinks Zima is the king of beers.**

Peter Petrelli (Heroes)

I honestly don’t even know where to start with Peter Petrelli without sounding like a mildly obsessed fictional stalker. (Which, do you see this post I’m writing right now?)

If you haven’t seen Heroes*** my allegiance to Peter Petrelli might be 100% lost on you, but if you’ve seen even a single episode with Peter in it then I have to imagine you knew what I was talking about before I even started this sentence.

Beyond being the single most attractive human being on the planet (to me, anyway), Peter is the epitome of a selfless hero. Perpetually battling his own inner darkness, he’s brooding and moody without being insufferable, and works as a paramedic in New York City to help people using his super-powers. He also has a voice I love to listen to and a charming lop-sided smile. (Mildly obsessed fictional stalker territory? Duly noted.)

Just one more picture then, before we move along:

Ren McCormack (Footloose)

Anyone who knows me (and my love of Kevin Bacon) probably saw Ren coming from a mile away. He snags the number two spot on my list for being a part of one of the best scenes in cinematic history, amen. He’s also the only man I’ve ever seen look even remotely cool while repeatedly rocking a pair of Mom Jeans.

Fox Mulder (The X-Files)

Special Agent Fox Mulder was the reason I gave myself myriad nightmares in junior high and high school after watching the The X-Files every Friday night at 9pm with my dad. Mulder’s obsession with the truth (it’s out there) and his ability to smile with his eyes (Tyra would be so proud) while rocking a monochrome suit made me instantly smitten, even if some of the episodes still HAUNT ME TO THIS DAY.

Rick O’Connell (The Mummy & The Mummy Returns)

OK, now no judging allowed in this case if you haven’t seen one of both of these movies. Both The Mummy & The Mummy Returns rest in my top tier of cinematic favorites, because not only are they supremely entertaining, with a nearly perfect action/magic/romance/comedy ratio, they are also pretty superbly well-written and well-acted.

Rick O’Connell is someone who can rock twin gun holsters and save the world from centuries-old mummies (multiple times) while telling jokes that make me laugh. Man of my dreams? Pretty much.

Kale Brecht (Disturbia)

Did I tell you about the time I fell a little bit in love with a suspense/horror movie based solely on this character? It’s becoming mightily apparent that I’m a sucker for dark hair, great comedic timing, and intense eyebrow furrowing.

Will Shuester (Glee!)

Enter your favorite Music/Spanish teacher with a heart of gold. Glee is amazing for a lot of reasons (honestly, if you aren’t watching it, you’re missing out), but Mr. Shue is totally my favorite, and seeing him singing “Bust a Move” while dancing around the rehearsal room? One of my favorite t.v. moments EVER, which was then totally upstaged in the finale with an even better! scene, which I won’t ruin for those of you who haven’t seen all of the episodes yet.

Jacob Black (Twilight)

COUGAR ALERT! Jacob is a quasi last-minute addition to the list, though if I’m being honest I have been a fan of his ever since I read the books, and I think Taylor Lautner was perfectly cast as Jacob for the movies. I, along with Amanda and my favorite name twin (and two teenage girls in the bathroom at the movie theater), am also 100% Team Jacob after watching New Moon. You Team Edwarders can suck it. (Totally kidding. Also: GET IT?)

What I love about Jacob Black is that (he’s buff, and) emotionally honest; he wears his heart on his sleeve (or lack thereof), all while also being funny and able wolf it up if the occasion calls for it, which, let’s face it, is pretty awesome. He can also jump through bedroom windows in a mostly single bound, doubles as a portable space-heater, and manages to look fantastic while standing in a torrential downpour.

Dr. Robert Chase (House)

Brilliant surgeon and diagnostician? Check. Australian accent? Check. Snazzy dresser? Check. Secret romantic? Checkmate. Also, the only (non-peroxide) blond to make this list.

Jake Fischer (The Guardian)

I have a thing for swimmers. Enter Fischer, who is a cocky collegiate swim star enlisting in an elite branch of the U.S. Coast Guard. Have any of you even seen this movie? I actually sort of loved it. Then again, any movie featuring rad athletic montages (these ones were all swimming-related), the ocean, and Kevin Costner pretty much wins in my book.

Spike (Buffy)

Enter peroxide blond!

Most of you probably already know why I would never stake Spike. If you don’t (here’s a post for you! and) I dare you to watch Buffy and not become a) instantly addicted, and/or b) instantly addicted to Spike. (Unless you’re Sarah, in which case: touché.) He’s the undead English rogue with endless brooding wit everyone loves to hate, and who makes the series infinitely more interesting.

Bob Lee Swaggar (Shooter)

How hilarious is that name? I mean, really, I can’t stop laughing right now. But before you start mocking my choice, Mr. Swaggar (haa!) is intelligent, and buff, and can treat multiple bullet wounds he just sustained with items purchased from a convenience store. Which I’m thinking would probably come in handy during any potential end-of-the-world-type scenarios. Also: he can shoot you in the face from three miles away. In a blizzard. So on top of everything, he’s like a built-in home defense system.

Stefan Salvatore (The Vampire Diaries)

This is me, publicly admitting I totally watch The Vampire Diaries, and you know what? I LIKE IT. Judge if you must.

Jeff Winger (Community)

I think this one is pretty self-explanatory, but if you haven’t seen an episode yet (DO IT), Winger is pretty much a single version of the actual Joel McHale, only this time instead of hosting a hilarious show on E, he’s a still-hilarious ex-lawyer enrolled in community college now struggling to pass Spanish. Oh, and his Spanish teacher, Señor Chang? That would be this guy.

Xander Harris (Buffy)

I was a Xander fan from the very beginning of Buffy. He’s the loyal boy-next-door with a heart of gold. He’s also punny.

Virgil Earp (Tombstone)

Oh, Virg. The first and only cowboy to steal my heart. If I told you my high esteem for Virgil has a lot to do with the ridiculously amazing mustache he sports throughout the entire movie, would you even be surprised?

Special Honorary Mention: Simon Templar (The Saint)
I’m not normally an “Oooh, Val Kilmer!” sort of gal, but Simon Templar was the very first spy I ever had a crush on. Templar is really something like eight different characters in this movie, and each one is great. Aside: I have seen The Saint so many times it might be a little ridiculous, and if you ever hear me say “Mother Russia” in a certain punctuated (and no doubt terrible) Russian accent, rest assured I’m quoting this movie, every time.

Honorable mentions (because hi, I had to end this post THIS CENTURY):
Jaime Bennett (Love, Actually); Nick Powell (The Invisible); Ando Mashahashi (Heroes); Memphis Raines (Gone in Sixty Seconds); Robin Hood (From, you know, Robin Hood); Dimitri (Anastasia); Riley Finn (Buffy); Oz (Buffy); Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean); Ron Weasley (Harry Potter); Bill Harding (Twister); Eric Northman (from the Sookie Stackhouse novels, not the HBO True Blood series); Lt. John McClane (Pick a Die Hard, any Die Hard); Dr. Stanley Goodspeed (The Rock); Jack Bristow (Alias); Will Tippin (Alias); Noah Bennet (Heroes); The Men of Dollhouse (Topher Brink/Victor/Paul Ballard).

Feel like playing along? (Of course! you do) So tell me, who are your fictional favorites?

———————-
*Don’t go chasing waterfalls. (Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.)
**I promise I’m not judging you if you like Zima. Well maybe I am, just a little.
***My favorite show on television right now. Followed closely by Glee and Community.

It also included “spiders,” to which I said I wanted to meet the person who actually LIKES spiders. I’m sure that person exists, but I want to know if they can also form coherent sentences, or if they tell girls at the bottom of a well in their basement “It puts the lotion on its skin.” (Why hello! random Silence of the Lambs reference; so strange to see you here!). I would say spiders and I have a mutual toleration policy: they don’t scare me but I’m not inviting them to pitch a tent in my living room either. Unless they promise to bring s’mores. Then maybe we can talk.

Being rather post-inspired by various friends as of late, I thought today I’d post a few things I dislike, all of which have nothing to do with much of anything, beyond my general distaste for them.

Moving right along then, I’m not a fan of:

• Migraines.
• The fact that I can’t sell my ovaries on the black market for significant profit.
• Coconut (hol(l)a! Isabel).
• Lemon in my dessert.
• Cheesecake.
• Tsk-tsk’ers.
• Emails I “mark as spam” that keep rising from their spammy graves like zombies to perpetually pollute my inbox.
• Zombies (At least, I don’t think I’d like them. Unless they didn’t eat me, and maybe told really great jokes.)
• Bright orange post-it notes (MY EYES).
• Book series ending (in general; why can’t you just keep writing the story FOREVER? and especially) before I’m ready to say goodbye to the characters and the story-line(s).
• Halloween costumes that are just a skanked-out version of a regular person/profession. For example, “What are you supposed to be?” “A slutty nurse/a slutty bartender/a slutty rabbi/a slutty hobo.”
• The fact that I’m not magic, have no wand, cannot fly or do other magical things.

To balance the scales of affinity (not to be confused with the scales of INfinity), I am a fan of:

• Referencing obscure SNL skits from Saturday nights of yore that continue to make me laugh like a lunatic.
• Pumpkin pie.
• Space-invader boots. (I know, right? COOLEST BOOTS EVER, and a co-worker totally owns a pair, for serious.)
• Saturday nights spent laughing and rabble-rousing with The Kids & Hans (TK&H), “The Kids” being a group comprised of three co-workers and myself who labeled ourselves such because we are the only people in the office under 30 sans children, and thus sans after-work responsibilities. Unless you count “taking out the trash” an after-work responsibility, in which case: meh.
• Reading my Twitter favorites when I’m feeling melancholy. Not once have I been able to get past the first page without laughing aloud. My Twitter favorites: better than anti-depressants!
• [Updated to add!] Plans to spend New Year’s Eve with three lovely ladies on the Oregon Coast. As in, I will be able to walk out the front door of our beach house and touch…wait for it…THE BEACH. I will also be able to run into the ocean when the clock strikes midnight, which is something I’ve admittedly wanted to do for years.
• Realizing after booking my tickets yesterday that I really am! going to Beijing and South Korea at the end of January. I’ll be spending a few days in Beijing where my company has an office, and then traveling on to Seoul and the province where babycarrot sister and brother Will have been living and working since July. “Unbelievably excited” doesn’t even begin to touch the amount of happy anticipation I’m feeling right now.
• Divorce advice existing in honest and well-written form without me having to a) ask for it, or b) write it myself, from a dear (and hilarious) friend who has been shepherding me through this emotional roller coaster without even realizing, I think, what a shepherd (shepherdess?) she’s been. (Annnd, end! sheep/shepherd/carnival imagery.) Particularly speaking to me were these three paragraphs and points:

“[For a divorcing person] Cheesy music can really cheer you up. The cheesier, the better, really. Let Destiny’s Child offer you a strong moral message while also providing a beat to dance to in your new apartment. Note that your pets will not, in fact, throw their hands up at you, even if you entreat them to do so. Technically, they are not independent women, so I suppose this makes sense.

Recognize that appreciating the good will make the whole deal a little sadder. Tossing aside your emotional armor can be painful, but some wounds need to hurt longer to heal well. If you wait a little longer to climb back onto your feet, it may save you years of limping around. Hot damn, that’s profound. Write that shit down.

[For people who know a divorcing person]

Don’t take anything personally, even if “anything” includes nine unanswered e-mails and the forgetting of your birthday. Sorry.

Be supportive. Let them decide whether they want to talk about it. Forgive wild fluctuations in emotion and opinion. One day your divorcing friend will want to be a forest ranger! The next day, a nun! One day, your divorcing friend is totally fine, and over the whole thing! The next day, whoops, still depressed. Nod, smile, and be patient. Let them work it out.”

• Feeling better (today), feeling hopeful (today), feeling 100% sure I’m headed the right way down a path I’ve been ignoring for far too long (nearly every day).

Awhile back I used it for the title of this post, wherein I was posting about the 5 Worst Ways To Die, Cinematically-Speaking, and today I thought a modified version of the same title would do splendidly for the question I’m about to ask all of you.

(Remember I’m asking it in my best exaggerated drunk British intonation, which makes it more charming, OK?)

Once upon an October Bethany sparked a trip down my personal Halloween memory lane, my pillow-case full of candy in tow, after she requested stories about a particularly awesome/silly/memorable Halloween costume of yore on a giveaway post.

Instantly I remembered that one year, when I was in 8th grade I think, I went trick-or-treating as a “Dead Farmer.” Not just a farmer, mind-you, though I did indeed rock some blue and white vertical striped overalls and a straw hat, but a DEAD Farmer, with much emphasis and fake blood on the “DEAD” part. I even carried a plastic hoe covered in fake blood around with me all night long. Because apparently I had an farming accident and thus: dead farmer. (My costume unwittingly doubled as a PSA about the importance of safety around hand-held farm equipment! How very farm progressive of me!)

Needless to say it was the best of all my most ridiculous costumes, and the truly tragic part is I don’t think I have any pictures of my costume that year. Which could, of course, very well be a blessing in disguise, but part of me will always mourn for the laughter that photo would have created. Laughter no doubt directed AT me, which could then have been added to the laughing I am already doing at myself.

The only perk of the entire ensemble was that it was a WARM costume, and in the city where I grew up, warm is more than key, it’s mandatory.

(If you want to see some of my more photographed Halloween costumes from yesteryear, I would highly recommend this post. Apparently, I was a big fan of the The Pumpkin face.)

Now it’s your turn! “And no non-participating around these part, neither,” sayeth Dead Farmer Kerri.

I LOVE costumes, and hearing about costumes, and laughing at your costumes, and so here’s the part where I turn the proverbial blog mic over to you, and you tell me the Halloween costume from your past that you love to hate.

Or maybe, you love to love it. But the point is, it’s horrible, or just horribly awesome, and you want to share it with the Internets. (Bonus points for any and all pictures of said horribly/awesome costumes.)

Ready, set, costume (over) share!

OK, OK, so you all want incentives for embarrassing yourself on the internet, right? (I do, too.) So the winner of the best most horribly/awesome costume over share wins some pretty paper courtesy of yours truly. Game ON.