This Is Something; This Is Nothing
My friend Carrisa (who is having a birthday! today, what what) wrote a post awhile back about things which she does not like, and I was laughing (a lot), and not only because her list included “peppers,” “underwire” and “Ninjas.”
It also included “spiders,” to which I said I wanted to meet the person who actually LIKES spiders. I’m sure that person exists, but I want to know if they can also form coherent sentences, or if they tell girls at the bottom of a well in their basement “It puts the lotion on its skin.” (Why hello! random Silence of the Lambs reference; so strange to see you here!). I would say spiders and I have a mutual toleration policy: they don’t scare me but I’m not inviting them to pitch a tent in my living room either. Unless they promise to bring s’mores. Then maybe we can talk.
Being rather post-inspired by various friends as of late, I thought today I’d post a few things I dislike, all of which have nothing to do with much of anything, beyond my general distaste for them.
Moving right along then, I’m not a fan of:
- Migraines.
- The fact that I can’t sell my ovaries on the black market for significant profit.
- Coconut (hol(l)a! Isabel).
- Lemon in my dessert.
- Cheesecake.
- Tsk-tsk’ers.
- Emails I “mark as spam” that keep rising from their spammy graves like zombies to perpetually pollute my inbox.
- Zombies (At least, I don’t think I’d like them. Unless they didn’t eat me, and maybe told really great jokes.)
- Bright orange post-it notes (MY EYES).
- Book series ending (in general; why can’t you just keep writing the story FOREVER? and especially) before I’m ready to say goodbye to the characters and the story-line(s).
- Halloween costumes that are just a skanked-out version of a regular person/profession. For example, “What are you supposed to be?” “A slutty nurse/a slutty bartender/a slutty rabbi/a slutty hobo.”
- The fact that I’m not magic, have no wand, cannot fly or do other magical things.
To balance the scales of affinity (not to be confused with the scales of INfinity), I am a fan of:
- Referencing obscure SNL skits from Saturday nights of yore that continue to make me laugh like a lunatic.
- Pumpkin pie.
- Space-invader boots. (I know, right? COOLEST BOOTS EVER, and a co-worker totally owns a pair, for serious.)
- Saturday nights spent laughing and rabble-rousing with The Kids & Hans (TK&H), “The Kids” being a group comprised of three co-workers and myself who labeled ourselves such because we are the only people in the office under 30 sans children, and thus sans after-work responsibilities. Unless you count “taking out the trash” an after-work responsibility, in which case: meh.
- Reading my Twitter favorites when I’m feeling melancholy. Not once have I been able to get past the first page without laughing aloud. My Twitter favorites: better than anti-depressants!
- [Updated to add!] Plans to spend New Year’s Eve with three lovely ladies on the Oregon Coast. As in, I will be able to walk out the front door of our beach house and touch…wait for it…THE BEACH. I will also be able to run into the ocean when the clock strikes midnight, which is something I’ve admittedly wanted to do for years.
- Realizing after booking my tickets yesterday that I really am! going to Beijing and South Korea at the end of January. I’ll be spending a few days in Beijing where my company has an office, and then traveling on to Seoul and the province where babycarrot sister and brother Will have been living and working since July. “Unbelievably excited” doesn’t even begin to touch the amount of happy anticipation I’m feeling right now.
- Divorce advice existing in honest and well-written form without me having to a) ask for it, or b) write it myself, from a dear (and hilarious) friend who has been shepherding me through this emotional roller coaster without even realizing, I think, what a shepherd (shepherdess?) she’s been. (Annnd, end! sheep/shepherd/carnival imagery.) Particularly speaking to me were these three paragraphs and points:
“[For a divorcing person] Cheesy music can really cheer you up. The cheesier, the better, really. Let Destiny’s Child offer you a strong moral message while also providing a beat to dance to in your new apartment. Note that your pets will not, in fact, throw their hands up at you, even if you entreat them to do so. Technically, they are not independent women, so I suppose this makes sense.
Recognize that appreciating the good will make the whole deal a little sadder. Tossing aside your emotional armor can be painful, but some wounds need to hurt longer to heal well. If you wait a little longer to climb back onto your feet, it may save you years of limping around. Hot damn, that’s profound. Write that shit down.
[For people who know a divorcing person]
Don’t take anything personally, even if “anything” includes nine unanswered e-mails and the forgetting of your birthday. Sorry.
Be supportive. Let them decide whether they want to talk about it. Forgive wild fluctuations in emotion and opinion. One day your divorcing friend will want to be a forest ranger! The next day, a nun! One day, your divorcing friend is totally fine, and over the whole thing! The next day, whoops, still depressed. Nod, smile, and be patient. Let them work it out.”
- Feeling better (today), feeling hopeful (today), feeling 100% sure I’m headed the right way down a path I’ve been ignoring for far too long (nearly every day).
You are 9 kinds of awesome. Ok maybe more, but 9 is my favorite number.
Except now who will I share my lemon cheesecake with?
Happy Birthday to the ground!
(that one never gets old, unlike me)
I sat here with a stupid grin on my face throughout this.
I, for one, believe you you ARE magical.
Or, “that you” are magical. And can also string sentences together whereas I, apparently, CANNOT.
Good on you.
Yeah, that about sums it up.
First: Hooray! Someone else who doesn’t like cheesecake! I am so tired of getting incredulous looks when I mention my dislike of the stuff.
Second: I actually do know someone who likes spiders! One of my oldest friends in the world is a field biologist and, no kidding, when she sees a spider, she gets all “oohhhh, look at the spider!” the same way normal people do about babies and cute furry creatures. She’ll even whistle little tunes to it. It’s demented. But, well, my friend has always been kind of an odd duck. I, on the other hand am of the “if I’m outside and see a spider, I’ll leave it alone because I’m in its house. But if a spider comes into my house it is trespassing and therefore I am allowed to kill it all the way dead.” persuasion.
Ok, I think I need to write a like/dislike list. Consider this idea? STOLEN. I mean, borrowed. ;)
Oh, and one for the laughter book:
“Spend time with your kids. So Peyton Manning doesn’t.” (Yes, I guffaw every time I watch that one.)
LOVE YOU! So glad to know you!
I also *hate* book series ending, and love continuing to quote ridiculous SNL skits for months/years after the fact.
(For reference, see my sister and I impersonating Kristen Wiig’s Target Lady every time we talk on the phone.)
The spiders on my porch are large enough to come bearing s’mores, but even THEN I would not let them in. GROSS.
I’m so excited you bought your trip-to-Asia tickets!!! That will be so amazing. Can I politely request a postcard? I love getting postcards.
(Also, I too am disappointed that I did not receive a Hogwarts letter over a decade ago.)
I’m so glad you’re feeling better. And your trip to Beijing is going to be AMAZING. Hooray!
Beijing and Seoul? So incredibly jealous!
You’ll have so much fun :)
OMG.
I am so sorry, Kerri. I did not realize you were divorcing. I suck.
I love you babe.
xxoxoxo
This is something. This is nothing. This is awesome. Great news about Beijing! And thanks for the link to Divorce Lady. Wish I’d had that info when I was in the muck. xoxo
Yay for trips! You’re going to have A BLAST!
I hate any kind of fruit in my desserts. The only exception is apple pie. THE ONLY EXCEPTION. (And it has to be warm and covered in melting vanilla ice cream.)
You are awesome! Love ya!
The ocean at midnight as we ring in 2010!
YAY!
Is it time to go yet?!?
I can totally hear you saying this entire post in your cute voice which makes it extra awesome with a side of magic.
I love that you said you’re not a fan of not being magic. Oh, I adore you.
You’re so strong and cool. I wish I could join you at the coast.
Oh, MAN, are you going to have a fantastic trip. Snap photos til your index finger breaks. Well, maybe just shy of that point. But do take lots.
Glad you’re having a good day. I always love a good like/dislike list, especially when they include disliking skanky halloween costumes and liking upcoming trips (I’m jealous!).
[...] 28, 2009 at 8:40 am | In float my boat | Leave a Comment I’ve been inspired by my BlogHer roomies (and good pals!) to share my happy. And to make it into bullets thanks to another friend. Here goes [...]
the cheesy music quote is hilarious!
[...] been inspired by Sizzle (who was inspired by her BlogHer besties) to share some happy (and also, like her, to make it all bullety and such by another Sizzle friend [...]
I am so sorry you are amidst divorce. Sucks.
BUT I am excited for your future. And I loved your lists.
I read the advice you linked to, it’s great advice in general, actually.
The blogosphere is here for you! OK, I can only speak for myself, but you’re an awfully popular girl.
Like:
Having you for a friend
Dislike:
Not seeing you in forever.
I’m with you on all of that, but the cheesecake obvs.
*likes spiders* AND I read.
Cheesecake is a MEAL, not a dessert!
coconut AND divorce suck.
And “sexy” anything at Halloween makes me cringe!
I guess I was behind the times, but I read the archives and caught up. I got the link to the divorce advice from Doc Ern (blogosphere friend) and I totally loved it! Wish I’d had that to send to people back in the nasty times.
You know the stupid thing? The whole time I was going through my breaking up and getting divorced, the only actual words (as opposed to swirling emotions)I could think were, “But I’m WAY too young for this.”
Ha! As though that matters.