I love the phrase “Do you worst,” especially when coupled with the pronoun, “Sir,” quite possibly because whenever I say it aloud or read it to myself in my head it’s always highly exaggerated and British-sounding. Or quite possibly drunk-sounding. Or: all three!
Awhile back I used it for the title of this post, wherein I was posting about the 5 Worst Ways To Die, Cinematically-Speaking, and today I thought a modified version of the same title would do splendidly for the question I’m about to ask all of you.
(Remember I’m asking it in my best exaggerated drunk British intonation, which makes it more charming, OK?)
Once upon an October Bethany sparked a trip down my personal Halloween memory lane, my pillow-case full of candy in tow, after she requested stories about a particularly awesome/silly/memorable Halloween costume of yore on a giveaway post.
Instantly I remembered that one year, when I was in 8th grade I think, I went trick-or-treating as a “Dead Farmer.” Not just a farmer, mind-you, though I did indeed rock some blue and white vertical striped overalls and a straw hat, but a DEAD Farmer, with much emphasis and fake blood on the “DEAD” part. I even carried a plastic hoe covered in fake blood around with me all night long. Because apparently I had an farming accident and thus: dead farmer. (My costume unwittingly doubled as a PSA about the importance of safety around hand-held farm equipment! How very farm progressive of me!)
Needless to say it was the best of all my most ridiculous costumes, and the truly tragic part is I don’t think I have any pictures of my costume that year. Which could, of course, very well be a blessing in disguise, but part of me will always mourn for the laughter that photo would have created. Laughter no doubt directed AT me, which could then have been added to the laughing I am already doing at myself.
The only perk of the entire ensemble was that it was a WARM costume, and in the city where I grew up, warm is more than key, it’s mandatory.
(If you want to see some of my more photographed Halloween costumes from yesteryear, I would highly recommend this post. Apparently, I was a big fan of the The Pumpkin face.)
Now it’s your turn! “And no non-participating around these part, neither,” sayeth Dead Farmer Kerri.
I LOVE costumes, and hearing about costumes, and laughing at your costumes, and so here’s the part where I turn the proverbial blog mic over to you, and you tell me the Halloween costume from your past that you love to hate.
Or maybe, you love to love it. But the point is, it’s horrible, or just horribly awesome, and you want to share it with the Internets. (Bonus points for any and all pictures of said horribly/awesome costumes.)
Ready, set, costume (over) share!
OK, OK, so you all want incentives for embarrassing yourself on the internet, right? (I do, too.) So the winner of the best most horribly/awesome costume over share wins some pretty paper courtesy of yours truly. Game ON.
FIRST.
Oh shit. I wasn’t supposed to end that comment that way, which means, of course, that someone more like myself would kick me out of the contest, but I’m counting on you to be more compassionate.
So my best/worst costume was an undead CARPENTER. Not of Karen and Richard fame, but an actual woodworker, wearing blue and white striped overalls and brandishing a hammer and randomly shouting “$10 an hour!” in 1986. The parents would laugh and answer back “You’re hired!” And I never understood.
Seriously. True story. You’ll never top this. Ever.
When all else fail’s just squirt some fake blood on yourself and make it gross. You’re a bride? Be a DEAD bride. You’re a 1950’s homemaker? Be a murdered homemaker! That’s the glory of Halloween.
I’ve been tame in my costumes- witch, mouse, bear, Tinkerbell, Miss Piggy, outer space super hero, Dreamgirl. I’m also realizing I have a bad memory when it comes to this. I can’t really recall costumes from when I was younger than 16. WTF? Someone get me some gingko.
One year four of my friends and I dressed up as the Spice Girls and walked around town singing all their songs and doing their dances and poses and oh god what the hell were we thinking?
I was Posh by the way.
I was a princess riding a unicorn once. Yeah, picture that.
Dude. I SUCK at Halloween. SUUUUUUCK. I can never think of any good ideas.
I spent all of my teenage years spraying my hair with colored hairspray and calling myself a punk rocker.
Original, I know.
Last year I was a flower. My husband was also a flower. This makes more sense when you know that our baby was a butterfly. Much cuter then.
The year before (before said child) I was a very pregnant nun. Always funny.
One year, D dressed up as a Proctologist. And it was MY idea. We smeared chocolate pudding all over his scrubs and surgical gloves.
Seriously, how disgusting could we be? I know I have a photo somewhere…
hm.
one year i had to be a clown. my mom made me. and i’m TERRIFIED of clowns. there are many unhappy clown photos of me that day.
i was also a cabbage patch kid one year, with a terrible plastic apron/dress that was helpfully labeled “cabbage patch kid”.
my favorite costume was when my best friend and i went as the robert palmer girls and got our friend to play addicted to love as we sauntered into the party, looking bored. we won the costume contest. it helped that robert palmer had died in recent months, so we adopted some random zombie and made him robert.
Ahh…I guess there was that one year I grew my beard in and dressed up as a housewife for whatever reason…
ha, my worst halloween costume was definitely in 2005 (i think) when i went as a skeleton. i wore all black and had cut out bones from white cardboard which i pinned to my clothes. then i painted my face like a skull (or so i believed), pulled my hair back tight and sprayed that white, too. it ended up looking so bad that people started calling me “moeter” which is what that half-human-half-dog thing from spaceballs is called in german. to this day my friends give me sh*t about how ridiculous i looked *heh*
I don’t recall any truly horrible costumes. My family was so cheap I wore the same store bought “Giant Pumpkin” get-up for, oh, probably 4 or 5 years in a row. Of course, I got bigger each year, so the ‘giant’ pumpkin seemed ever smaller by comparison. Eventually I think my brother started wearing it…
I was once a soccer player who had been run over by a car, with fake tire tracks running diagonally across my chest, plus possibly some fake blood and dead-looking face-painting. It was horrible. And awesome. Imagine trying to trick-or-treat while wearing cleats. Ridiculous.
My scariest costume was probably my Sarah Palin costume from last year. http://tinyurl.com/yds7wno
But for randomness, when I was in first grade, I decided all on my own that I wanted to be a carrot. We didn’t buy costumes, we made them. So I ended up with an inverted orange triangle “dress” thing and a green ski hat which we spent hours fitting with green pipe cleaners. I think we ended up writing “CARROT” on the front. Bonus: we decided my 9 month old brother should have a similarly themed costume, so we made him a pickle.
Best and worst costume? That’s easy. It’s Britney, Bitch!
In fourth grade, I decided I desperately wanted to be a skunk. My mother, bless her heart, spent $100 to have a full skunk costume made for me, including a pocket in the tail so we could put stinky cheese in there as my “smell.”
WTF was I thinking?!
Best costume? One year I went as an old grandmother and borrowed stuff from my great-grandmother to use as props. I even had my great-grandfather’s old glasses. It was pretty amazing.
Worst? Well, there was the year that I tried to be the genie from Aladdin and my face was totally covered in horrible dark blue facepaint, and then I came down with the flu and ended up in the mini-van trying not to die as my brothers trick-or-treated with my bag.
And because you asked for photos, here is the year I went as a devil, complete with footy pajamas.
Goood day!
I loose control!
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