(Not So) Good Things
I’ve been seeing a lot of (f)UGLY lately, and I thought, why not share the (un)love? You’re welcome.
OK, first of all, I’m pretty sure this is a Paint-By-Number. Secondly, I don’t like poodles. Thirdly, you probably don’t like poodles either. Fourthly, even if I did like poodles, would I want a paint-by-number framed poodle pic adorning a wall in my apartment? Maybe if I were crazy. Or drunk. Or crazy drunk.
I actually really do like polar bears. You know, in theory. Which is better than, say, on an icecap, where they could potentially be eating me for supper. Polar bears in suits with pink ties, however? Seem like something my grandmother would buy, if my grandmother were crazy, or drunk. (You can probably see where this is going.)
So, you smoke. I’m not going to judge you for being stoked about putting tar in your lungs on a daily basis, because hi, I come from a long line of smokers. I am, however, going to judge you for buying an ashtray with a ceramic deer sleeping on the side of it, an ashtray with a shape so female-nether-region-related that it looks like it belongs in a Georgia O’Keefe painting. That is, unless you can convince me that the sleeping ceramic doe is a reiminder that, hey! cigarettes kill (deers, too!), and it’s helping you quit. Maybe.
Never mind that a “Hawaiian Corset Tube” sounds like a piece of pipe for construction purposes; LOOK at that top teeny tiny piece of gaudy fabric, and someone, anyone, please tell me this is a joke? Hidden cameras somewhere? Tim Gunn waiting in the wings to stage an intervention? No? And those pants? I must have missed the fashion memo that showcasing your belly-button is the hot new trend for Fall.
I’m not quite sure what a “placket” even is, but in this case I think they mean “butt-flap, for your chest.” I also think they meant to use “die” instead of “dye,” as in “You will surely die before you ever wear this shirt.” The only potential redeeming quality about the purple placket o’ fug is that placket really opening, thus allowing the man wearing it to show a square of chest hair. If that’s the case, I bet Chuck Norris already has five of these.
This is another one of those items that is (ceramic, ick! and) maybe supposed to be ironic in some way, though I’m clearly missing the joke. I like horses as much as the next gal (I actually used to collect them when I was younger, statues and equestrian-themed things, not actually horses), but a ceramic horse-head planter is more “creepy” and less “I just really love horses!” The moral of the story? PLEASE, just say naayyy* to animal-themed ceramic planters.
* Neigh, the sound a horse makees! Get it? OK, I’m done now, I promise.
i bet they are all from Urban Outfitters?
they sell some weird shit.
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Jenny, THEY TOTALLY ARE. I’m going to buy you that poodle print as your prize for knowing that. Heh.
So… I am going to disagree on the polar bear because I think the dude that paints those is a local Portland artist and I have seriously considered purchasing some things from his Etsy shop, but YE GODS that poodle is horrifying. And the ashtray, and the buttflap shirt, and everything else on the list. That hawaiian “shirt!” UGH! Those pants might even be worse – high-waisted, ill-fitting, bellybutton-baring and WEIRD.
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I love that you disagree on the polar bear! I can see the appeal, and I’m pretty sure I actually thought to myself “Hmmm…Meggan might like this one” as I was posting it. I hate THE FRAME more than anything. The entire set-up reminds me of gaudy paintings my grandmother had in her basement once upon a time. (But I think maybe that’s the intention.) Ooh, but I love! this, from his Etsy shop: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29000843
So, about 5 years ago I had a sudden realization that I am simply no longer the target market for Urban Outfitters.
Never has that been proven more true than today.
yeah, i gotta say i really kinda love that polar bear. then again, i have a framed picture on the wall of dogs in hats and vests playing pool, so take that with a grain of salt.
What the hell is up with Urban Outfitters? That is some weird shit. I didn’t even know they made ashtrays anymore, let alone ones with deer on them.
Thank you for sharing!
“butt-flap, for your chest.”
HA HA HA
I laughed the whole. way. through.
You crack me up, my friend.
Don’t judge me but I kind of like the polar bear. I saw something similar on etsy (maybe the artist Meggan refers to?) of a giraffe and so wanted it. Everything else is hilariously hideous though. More than the Hawaiian tube, what is up with those pants? Why oh why is something so unflattering considered fashion?
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I am totally not judging. Tons of people love! the polar bear. I myself would have a pet polar bear, if I didn’t think it would eat me when I was sleeping.
I kinda like the polar bear in the suit with pink tie…
I’m with Sizzle- Butt flap for your chest made me laugh out loud.
What kind of weirdo wants that creepy poodle painting looking at them all day?
I just found your blog and I don’t know if you write comments about weird shit on a regular basis, but bravo…that was pretty entertaining. Poodles are so ugly. Ohhhhh god does that ever feel good to say – my best friend has a poodle so I constantly have to watch what I say about them. Them and their stupid little curls…..
Um. I want that polar bear thing.
That is the most distinguished polar bear I’ve seen in a long time. I approve.
Having said that, those pants make my brain hurt and I’m pretty sure that poodle just looked into my soul.
Urban Outfitters, how you slay me!