Tom Petty, Prophet
Awhile ago I read a post that was all about waiting, and how, just like Petty said, it really is the hardest part. I read about what Brandy (the blog author) was waiting for, and then so many others chimed in via the comment section to express what they themselves were waiting for. Some of the responses were heartfelt with serious undertones and some were completely hilarious, but all of them started me thinking, about waiting, and how it feels as if I’ve been stuck in transition mode for years.
More recently, a good friend wrote about how she struggles with her online identity, about what to share and what not to in this wide-open forum, and how that affects how she feels about her online space in general.
I very clearly realized while reading her post that I’ve been navigating my own shadowland of sorts, and it’s been frustrating me into silence on this site for awhile. I’ve been feeling stuck, both literally and figuratively, and I can’t seem to wrestle The Blanket Of Quiet away from my mouth, or my typing fingers, as it were.
Chris put the aforementioned Petty song on one of the myriad CDs he made for me while we were living across the country from one another, and for us it really did perfectly reflect our current situation, when being apart was transient, and yet so difficult. We knew the time would pass, and it did. We knew we wouldn’t be living in separate states in separate parts of the country forever, and we didn’t. Chris moved to Washington State and the rest, is history, as they say.
Waiting for the “together” part of our relationship, the in each other’s spaces 24-7 and let’s see how you fold your socks part of the relationship, was almost unbearable. We almost gave up, multiple times. We both teetered back and forth between feeling crazy and feeling 100% certain, between reality and the reality we really wanted.
In the end of course the waiting was worth it, but I won’t ever try to sugarcoat how much I hated it.
I know The Blanket Of Quiet will be overcome, sentence by sentence, and waiting for so many things I’m waiting for will be worth it, in the end, but right now I can’t sugarcoat how much I’m hating it.
So, in an attempt to rid myself of the debilitating doubt and insecurity I’ve been hoarding like they’re emotions worth keeping, and in an attempt to foster the forward momentum I’ve been craving these past few months, I’m going to master list everything I’m waiting for right this moment. Feel free to (give in to ending your sentences in prepositions, yes! and) create your own list, if you feel so inclined.
I’m waiting for:
the feeling that I can’t say what I mean and mean what I say on this site to disappear.
motivation to finish the physical training I’ve yet to really start.
a career, that I know I really want.
a trip of a lifetime.
long-overdue hugs from family I haven’t seen since November.
a thunderstorm.
more time to write.
my comfort zone to evaporate because I’ve jumped so far outside of it.
myself to get UP and create more time for writing, for reading, for various other “for me” things.
the quasi-creepy doll-eyed New Orleans’ native to win ANTM tonight.
lunch and a catch-up session with one of my best of all friends.
my hair to get to a length where I don’t want to chop it off on a daily basis.
the moment I dive back into a pool to swim laps without my chest and shoulders perpetually screaming profanities at me.
two days in October where I’ll get to watch two friends pledge their love to partners carefully chosen.
a couple on House Hunters to actually choose the best house for the best price. (See also: the house I would choose, probably the one with the amazing backyard pool.)
races with brand new shoelaces.
how much I’m going to miss my babycarrot sister when she moves to South Korea this summer.
indecision to take a back seat to clarity.
Hi friend. I feel you on this. Maybe I should make a list on my blog? Did it help?
I’m waiting to visit you guys. Miss you muchly.
That’s it. We need to have a date stat. What are you up to the next couple weekends?
I’m waiting for:
A much needed Date night
The time to learn what I want to learn
A weekend in July with my stellar roommate (Wait! That’s YOU.)
Finally being comfortable with my body 100% of the time (I’m at 90% or so)
My puppy to stop crapping in the house.
To feel like I’m really where I need to be.
Love you, babe.
Great list. I feel like I have a little too much of The Doing right now and wouldn’t mind a pinch more of The Waiting.
But I had to chime in and say that Allison was totally my girl on ANTM too! Will reserve any further comment in case any commenters/readers dared to make Tyra wait.
I’m waiting for…a ring. Well, not really, but yeah, kinda =) (shhhh, don’t tell SVV!)
This post really hits the spot. Your personal list strikes a chord with me as well. Wishing the best for you, and hoping you do have to wait long for those things you listed.
You may even inspire me to do my own, though maybe I won’t post mine.
Hugs and enCOURAGEment.
great list! my last post was of a similar format. i could really use a thunderstorm, though!
Ooh, I think this could be my next blog post. Good idea.
I, too, am waiting for the idiots on House Hunters to pick the right house. What is WRONG with those people?
Sometimes, if you can make yourself enjoy it, waiting is a little bit delicious, too.
ah kerri. you inspire me you know that?