Vampire Weekend

It’s fast shaping up to be the Year of the Vampire.

Why? (Because it sounded catchy, and also) Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, True Blood, some more Twilight.

Even if you yourself have refrained from partaking in the blood thirsty plot lines that seem to have grown on a national level from a mere gurgle of joy to an ear-piercing scream of vampire fandom in recent months, I’m beginning to think no one is immune from hearing about it, reading about it, seeing a trailer or threven, or even watching a good friend become sucked into a vortex of vampiric obsession.

Because I’m easily amused, and also because during these difficult and controversial times I can always be counted on to bring you the fluff you love to ruminate on while you should be mowing your lawn, baking a large bird in the oven, writing letters free-hand, or simply organizing your elephant poo paper* collection, I bring you:

Kerri Anne’s Vampire Weekend, which is a band that you may or may not have ever heard of, but I’m not talking about music today; I just really liked the play on words, see, and anyway doesn’t two days off work for a stuffing-laden holiday combined with a regularly scheduled weekend constitute one long weekend?

(The answer is irrevocably “yes.” Please pass the gravy.)

What is Kerri Anne’s Vampire Weekend (KAVW)?

I thought you’d never ask.

Basically it’s me posting pictures and curtly cute commentary of my current Top Ten Favorite Vampires Of All Time, a combination of the newly syndicated and my favorite fang-laden fellows from days of yore, when being a fan of undead film and literature wasn’t necessarily as blatantly popular (His hand was like ice; was he murmuring again?) as it seems to be now.

So please, sit back, relax, and don’t make any sudden movements.

Honorable Mention: Modern-day Dracula, played by Gerard Butler in Dracula 2000.

I know that looks nothing like Gerard Butler, but I promise it is. This movie and this vampire also get bonus points for co-stars like Nathan Fillion, Jonny Lee Miller, Danny Masterson and Omar Epps.

10. Bill Compton, the brooding and much older love interest of Sookie Stackhouse on HBO’s newest series True Blood played by British-born actor Stephen Moyer.

I’ll be honest in saying I’m still not 100% sold on True Blood, though I like the idea, and actually some of the supporting cast (Sam, Jason and Lafayette, specifically) better than I like the two main characters in Sookie and Bill. I’m curious to see where the writing goes next season, and I think Bill is authentic enough as a vampire (so he makes the list!), though the first season finale was all sorts of predictable lameness in my opinion.

9. Bram Stroker’s Dracula, the Gary Oldman version, wherein Dracula is young, and thus, doesn’t look like a five-hundred-year-old grandfather who likes to wear his hair in buns.

Instead he looks like a rather dapper European gentleman who adores Winona Ryder’s heaving bosom. (Movie trivia time: before she played a memorable Mary Magdalene in The Passion of the Christ, Monica Bellucci played one of Dracula’s three brides in this movie.)

8. David, played by a motorcycle riding Kiefer Sutherland in The Lost Boys.

+ 5 points for the first and only vampire mullet to make the list.

7. Tie between Blade, the “Day-Walker” and fighter of evil vampires played by pre-tax-evasion Wesley Snipes in the movie by the same name, and Deacon Frost, played by a routinely shirtless Stephen Dorff.

Their fight scenes are the best scenes. Come to think of it, their fight scenes are really the only scenes.

6. Curly Sue Claudia, the vampiress in Interview with the Vampire (played by Kirsten Dunst in one of her earliest roles) who will forever remain ten, and is not so thrilled about that fact, because she wants to style her hair differently, savvy?

And also because she’s hanging out with Brad Pitt and a presumably sane, though pasty-looking Tom Cruise, and her prepubescent body isn’t getting any action. Now she’s going to eat you, just to illustrate her teenage vampire angst.

5. Louis de Pointe du Lac, the original “good vampire,” played by Brad Pitt in Interview with The Vampire, which is one of those movies I have seen very few times (maybe twice?) and years ago, but the scenes still remain supremely vivid.

I linked to the IMDB page of the movie because third from the top in the cast list is “Virginia McCollam….Whore on Waterfront,” and that was just too priceless not to reference.

4. Sheriff Eben Oleson, played by a quasi-bearded Josh Hartnett in 30 Days of Night.

OK, so he is only a vampire for about ten minutes, but they were the BEST 10 MINUTES OF THE ENTIRE MOVIE, is my overall point. (Aside: if you want to see some scary looking vampires, ones you might actually be afraid of if you ever ran into them on a deserted snowy street in Alaska, watch 30 Days of Night. If you don’t like scary vampires, I would highly recommend staying away from this movie.)

3. Selene, played by Kate Beckinsale, in Underworld.

She’s flawlessly beautiful and can outrun a werewolf, too.

2. Hello, Mr. Cullen. Edward of course, played by Robert Pattinson (of course), though I think Alice and Emmett and Jasper are interesting, too. Or will hopefully be more interesting in movies to come.

Number 1 Vampire of All Time: Spike, played by James Marsters, the most dynamic and sexy anti-hero in the Buffy series. His character was also British, and most of his lines? Hilarious.

While he was supposed to be the superfine “good” vampire in the beloved Buffy series, I never jumped aboard the Angel train. The first time Spike sauntered on screen? A bit of a different story.

And a long one at that, involving unsteady breathing and me very quickly owning nearly every season of Buffy I could afford after I donated my plasma.

(I’m totally KIDDING about plasma donation for the purchase of boxed sets. I reserve my plasma donation for more important things. Like paper comprised entirely of elephant crap.)

* Quite possibly the best domain name ever.

Merry Mélange

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