So Bad It’s Good Movie Review: The Wraith
(Contrary to the poster art, and fortunately for him, John Cusack is not in this movie.)
Originally aired: 1986
Watched by kerri anne: 12.16.07
Courtesy Of: On Demand free! movies.
Because: Sundays are for bad movies. Especially when you are not feeling particularly germ-free.
Starring: Charlie Sheen, Nick Cassavetes, Sherilyn Fenn, Randy Quaid, and what turned out to be The Middle Of Nowhere, Arizona.
Sci-fi factor: A car that can explode and then reappear moments later unscathed.
Bit Of Nostalgia: Green and white police cars with stick-on flashing lights and an inability to ever catch the faster, more modern(ly 80′s) cars.
Musical High Note: “Rebel Yell,” by Billy Idol.
Protagonist’s name and story: Jake Kesey, who is really a reincarnated silver body suit wearing, Delorean-esque car driving soul of Jaime, who was apparently murdered years ago by the evil and surprisingly tall bad guy named, wait for it: PACKARD.
I know, right? Shaking in your boots? I’ll give you a moment to finish shivering at the sheer fear that is invoked by the name “Packard.” If it helps, here’s a visual of the toughness (Packard is the one on the right, although I am arguably more frightened of his comrade’s hair):
It’s not clear if Charlie Sheen is “The Wraith,” or if his car is “The Wraith,” or if they are both electric balls of energy that just happened to materialize at the beginning of the movie from what looked like big lightning bugs that zipped around the desert highway until they formed a motorcycle riding Charlie Sheen.
Either way, they are both indestructible, and they’ve come from Elsewhere to avenge Jaime’s (who is now Jake, remember?) death that we don’t really get to see, and isn’t really explained, beyond the fact that Packard apparently has a devastating jealous streak. Also, he wears a leather jacket with a flaming cow’s skull on the back of it. (Packard, not Jake. Still with me here?)
Randy Quaid plays town Sheriff Loomis, who has an affinity for scratching his head in confusion, spouting cop-like cliched phrases, and making headless paper puppets. (Don’t ask.)
Sherilyn Fenn plays The Girl of the movie, whose name happens to be Keri Johnson, and while she is surely pretty, she isn’t exactly convincing as a strong and memorable character, probably because she works at Big Kay’s Burgers as a roller girl, and wears white cowboy boots in every scene. But then, I remembered her, so perhaps the reverse fashion psychology works.
This movie isn’t scary, at all, but apparently it’s supposed to be. What IS scary is the aforementioned hair, the acting, and the copious amounts of blue-eye-shadowed goons with names like “Skank, “Rughead,” and “Gutterboy.”
SPOILER ALERT (but not really because anyone who watches it will know how it ends five minutes after starting it): The movie ends with Jake/Jaime riding off into the sunset Middle of Nowhere toward a full moon after gifting his indestructible car to his brother Billy.
Memorable Quotes:
“You want a race? Cuz I’ll give you a race!”
“Yeah, you can kill me, too, Packard. But you can never make me love you.”
“Wait a minute! Come back. Come back, bro!”
“I seen his eyes; I seen his eyes, Loomis! I got a real weird feeling.”
“Turbo Interceptor. The only one in existence.”
The Turbo Interceptor: that’s the car’s name, apparently. Behold:
“You don’t stop something that can’t be stopped.” “Loomis, what are you saying?”
“Jake! Jake! Jaimeeeeeeeee!”
The Verdict: I hereby rate this movie: The best worst movie I’ve seen in ages. You should watch it. You know, for free.
This? Is perfect.
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I would argue that Charlie Sheen cast as a disappearing avenger from outer space is perfect. (Thank! you.)
I give you 5 stars just for getting through the movie. Awesome.
You should totally come hang out at my apartment. You and my hubby would get along fantastically. I’m sort of afraid to walk into the living room nowadays for fear of what movie he has found to watch on OnDemand. That’s the scary part. LOL I’ll have to recommend this one to him!
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Yessss. I’m so there. Ask him if he’s seen the one with Patrick Swayze where they live in a desert world and the movie starts with him meditating on a sand dune, on his head? So great, that one.
I love the movie cover where all of their mouths are hanging open in a mixture of amazement and sexy daring. Also, any movie where Ozzy is on the soundtrack makes it an instant classic.
Is the guy on the far right (in the poster) wearing a cropped shirt? I really hope he is. :)
wow, i’ve never even heard of this movie. mayhaps i’ll give it a look see next time i’m in the mood for a good bad movie. haha.
Oh! The hair. The HAIR.
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The hair needs its own movie. For real.
And this is why I limit my On Demand watching to Weeds and The L Word. Though the hair alone is tempting but not tempting enough.
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The hair was one of the highlights, for sure. That and Charlie Sheen stretching out his arms on his motorcycle and becoming a constellation. No joke.
I am HORRIFIED that I have never seen this movie. Bad movies, especially ones starring Charlie Sheen are REQUIRED for my happiness.
I must see this movie.
You really need to watch “Sliver”. Best bad movie ever.
hee. That looks AMAZING (ly bad). I’m going to check it out! Thank ye, Kerri doodle. xo
Kerri! Me and my mom are sitting in the airport at Vegas, waiting for our flight to Denver to see Lianna and the doggies for christmas. We enjoyed your christmas letter so much (we both read the blogs that you attached) so I thought I would pull up your web page while we waited. (I love having my laptop for things like this) I’m very glad I did. You write how I want to! Both my mom and I (she’s correcting my grammar as I write, but I’m explaining to her that its not such a big deal) really enjoy your style and pundits. I’m gonna add this to my favorites and check your page more often! Merry Christmas, too bad I won’t be running into you at Starbucks anytime soon. If you’re ever in Seattle, the uw is only a 15 min bus ride from downtown, if only there was coffee in seattle too….. oh well, we’ll tackle that obstacle if you ever make it up. Aunt Nancy says, “I love you Kerri!”
This sounds great. I also like the one quote that reminded me of the new famous quote, “Don’t taze me bro!” ahahah.