Toilet Paper in a Constant State of Disarray Phenomenon Strikes Again

I must be missing something.

Can someone explain to me the apparent overwhelming difficulty of sliding a newly opened roll of toilet paper onto a toilet paper dowel?

Maybe I’m doing it wrong, but I just don’t find the task as daunting as it would appear most of my roommates and co-workers do. I consistently find rolls of newly unwrapped toilet paper sitting smugly atop the back of the toilet, on the counter, on the bar directly above the toilet paper holder, and on the side of the bathtub. Basically I routinely find the great white roll anywhere but resting comfortably around the rod for which it, and the strategically placed hole bored into the center of it, was created. Sometimes, to my great dismay, I even find the t.p. resting on the ‘always less than sanitary looking floor’. And yes, this is the same tissue designed specifically for areas of the body you wouldn’t typically think you’d want to come into contact with anything previously occupying space on an “always less than sanitary looking floor”.

But the floor, however foot-trodden and filthy, is not the dreaded toilet paper dowel, and as such, apparently remains a far more appealing alternative.

Understanding this affinity for leaving the toilet paper anywhere but where it rightfully belongs to exist both within the workplace and at home has resulted in my formulation of three theories which attempt to explain this oh so mysterious toilet paper phenomenon:

1. The sheer muscle needed to first unwrap the toilet paper from its packaging before use is so exhausting so as to warrant the unwrapper worthy of a lengthy rest, whereupon this person promptly forgets to re-mount the roll upon the dowel before exiting the facility.

2. My roommates and co-workers are attempting to drive me insane.

3. My roommates and co-workers understand my distaste for being generally useless, and so, acting out of sheer benevolence, to ensure I feel needed they so thoughtfully reserve for me the important jobs, like re-uniting the toilet paper roll with its bathroom partner.

Weekend Update, Leprechaun Edition

I haven’t run a 5k since 2005, when my sister and I signed up to “trot” a Race for the Cure in Portland and then on race day, about twenty minutes before we were set to briskly walk with the rest of the meanders, she asked if we could run. We have different memories of this day, but I remember knowing we would run even though we had said we were going to walk. I also remember that while she → Read more...

Things I’m Contemplating As I Enter This, My Superhero(ine) Phase

This post inspired by my friend and Patron Saint of Divorce Redemption.

We’ve all heard about the five (or seven) stages of grief, the designated personal places you must traipse within and for yourself to be able to stand tall on the other side of whatever loss you are suffering. Stages you need to fight your way through surviving, and really processing, to be able to find yourself again.

In my head I liken the five stages of divorce to a wily → Read more...

Do A Big Sister A Favor?

Today is babycarrot sister’s 26th! Day of Cake. Being that my sister happens to be (awesome, yes! and) one of my favorite people on the planet, I think instead of being here, you should go here, and read all about what made her day great. (Seeing as how we’re all very visual learners around these parts, I will tell you that there are most definitely pictures. Of cake, even!)

You could even wish her a happy! birthday. You know, if you → Read more...

My Heart Is A Nautical-Themed Pashmina Afghan

We interrupt copious amounts of Asia recapping this broadcast for a maritime digression of sorts.

You see, I’ve been a lover of the ocean, and of all things aquatic and nautical-inspired, ever since I can remember.

My love for sea-faring-everything might very well have been fostered during the myriad spring breaks spent exploring quaint coastal communities in and around Port Ludlow, Washington. Some of my fondest childhood memories spring forth from days spent poking my curious face into every trinket shop in → Read more...