Post alternately titled: Watch How Kerri Doesn’t Know How To Light A Pilot Light, And Almost Loses Her Proverbial Poo, But Doesn’t Because Chris Is Awesome.

The scene: Friday afternoon after work, a surprisingly chilly apartment. After some very complicated detective work I discover the pilot light on the furnace is not burning. Thus, there is no heat in the apartment. I call Chris and he tells me to take a picture of the furnace and upload it to Flickr so that he can note what I’m supposed to do. I take 7 pictures, because I like to be thorough, see. And also because my camera is a bit trixy. Meanwhile a storm begins to brew outside. The following is the (nearly) word-for-word transcript of our chat conversation after the aforementioned picture is uploaded and duly noted. No names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Kerri: What is step one?!!
I get step two and step three, but you didn’t put a step one?

Chris: I didn’t put step one because step one is in a photo that you didn’t take, which I was telling you to. I said zoom OUT and take a photo of the entire heater.

Kerri, laughing hysterically as she types: There is nothing else to take a picture of, that isn’t in all of those photos!! I did! zoom out!

Chris: Honey, trust me. take a photo of the entire heater unit. top to bottom.

Kerri: This is so frustrating.

Chris: I know baby. It’s frustrating for me trying to tell you how to do this from across the country, too. I now know that I *should* have shown you how to do it before I left in case you ever had to do it again while I was gone.

Kerri: No, the (hi! Mom) furnace should just WORK, without us having to do anything.

Chris: I know but this happens sometimes.

Kerri: Twice in 10 days? Not awesome. OK, I uploaded the pics.

Chris: Just realized that “this” and “shit” are anagrams of one another; ok.

Kerri: Um, wow.

Chris: Ok, so now go look at the new photo.

Kerri: Ok, so I light it first though? And then screw it to “on,” and then push the button thingy?

Chris: No.
No no no.

Kerri: OMGWTFBBQ!

Chris: You do what I said, step by step.

Kerri: What is the FIRST THING I do?

Chris: Step 1, then 2 then 3

Kerri: You started with STEP 2.

Chris: *sigh* You start with step one in the last photo.

Kerri: I uncovered it! There is no flame.

Chris: You uploaded–ok, so then you go to step 2.

Kerri: So now what? Step 2?

Chris: Then 3

Kerri: GREAT, got it. And when do I actually light the flame? After step 3?

Chris: Turn the knob to ON, then press that button I highlighted and then strike your flame and stick it in the hole and the flame should catch.

Kerri: When do I light the flame? As I’m pushing the button, after I turn the knob, right?

Chris: Yes, correct. And then cover it back up when it lights and then turn that knob back to the position it was in originally.

Kerri: Hmmm, OK, be right back.

Kerri: I DID IT
I DID IT
I DID IT
Thanks! baby.

Chris: YAY YAY
You’re welcome baby.

Kerri: I learned something new today!

Chris: I’m glad it’s fixed!

Kerri: I should have known how to do that. Piece of cake! I just had no idea the pilot light wasn’t in the very bottom part. Whoops.

Chris: Now, did you recover the flame with the little cover and re-screw the cover back on?

Kerri: Well, I was going to, but I thought I would try roasting a few marshmallows first.